Free Love- does the church have it wrong?

I am in no way writing this to slam the church. I have gone thru times in my life without a church and times with- and I must say- the times with it are better than without. There is a bond, an accountability, a unity that comes with being part of a church that is not easy to find thru aother avenues...

However, I have been completely turned off by the church at times. I have to always remember that, like me, the people who attend and make up the church body are not perfect beings by any stretch of the imagination. They are just people like anyone else in the world. Only difference really is that they trust Jesus has died for their sins and so they are forgiven.

When you read the Bible- the love that Jesus showed to people was a love that met them right where they were. He did not wait to love on them until they did this, said that....you know?

I look at the many Bible stories of people making wrong choices, sinning. God didn't stop loving them. If there was  a breakdown in the relationship, it was because the person walked away from Him- He wasn't walking away from them!

That is part of our imperfection- we as people- make other people feel they aren't "good enough"- haven't "done enough". GUESS WHAT?! NONE OF US ARE GOOD ENOUGH. NONE OF US COULD DO ENOUGH! One would hope that a person who goes to church every Sunday would understand this better than someone who doesn't....sadly- that doesn't always seem to be true!
Here is WHY we who are in church should know that :

Isaiah 64:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

I don't know why people in church act better than others, or say and do things that make others feel as if they are less. The sad thing is, I know MANY, MANY Church-goers who do not make others feel that way. However, the ones that do, turn people away from God- from church.

I wish that love was freely given to ALL (wo)men by ALL (wo)men. But, the reality is that none of us is that perfect. We are all going to mess up in one way or another. The best we can hope for is that when we do, we can realize we have and humble ourselves to admit it, ask for forgiveness and try to make things right.

Withholding love from others, requiring they change in order to feel loved and accepted- that is so far from how my loving God acts. He gives love FREELY to all who come to Him. He already loves you before you come, in fact, because He created you. Do you know Him?? I hope so....if you don't....it would be my pleasure to introduce you! :)

Forgiveness Part 3

So, it has taken me a while to finish this up....Forgiveness- Part 3.
I wrote about forgiving yourself and forgiving others already....today is the "how" part of all of that.

I definitely can only speak for myself....as I have only experienced how I personally forgive...

I pray. I ask God to help me forgive. I sometimes have to picture myself giving the offense- or the offender to Him and then picture myself walking away. Sometimes, depending on the depth of the wound, I have to do these things repeatedly....

I sometimes have to remind myself of how often I have needed to be forgiven and how imperfect I have been- how MUCH I appreciate the grace and the mercy I have been shown. (It is much more difficult for me to feel the need to "repay" or have revenge on someone for something they have done when I realize how I could have been treated for the wrongs I have done.)

I have to remind myself that the God I know is the fullness of goodness and trustworthiness and so whatever I give to Him, He will handle in the best way! I am reminded that I am thankful it is He who has handled my own transgressions and for that I am thankful as people are not nearly as good and trustworthy as He is.

I am really not sure how people forgive when they don't know and have a relationship with God. I know some people without that relationship and knowlege who choose to hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness and they usually end up with a hardened heart and become sort of grumpy and untrusting. I am sure it is not true of everyone. But, I can only write on this topic from my own understanding and experience.

As I said in an earlier post. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying it is "ok". It is NOT "OK" that a man took my friend's life- but I can get to the point where I don't want to punish him myself because of what he did.

If you are in a relationship with a person who continually hurts you, I believe we can forgive-(not want to punish) and at the same time choose to distance ourselves a bit from the situation.Forgiving someone isn't giving them permission to walk on you like a door mat. If you recognize that being with a person who is negatively affecting the rest of your life - you cannot continue to be brought down like that. It is my opinion that we have a duty in this life to try to be positive, loving, encouraging, and a light- we cannot do this when we are constantly being brought down by negativity, hate, discouragement and darkness. So, sometimes, in order that we may continue to do our duty, we have to separate ourselves from the other.

I am thankful to know God. I am thankful to know the love and forgiveness he offers to me and everyone else! He is how I have been able to forgive others and He is how I will be able to continue to forgive. I hope you know Him!

Mercy Interrupts with PRAYER....

I am one of those people who likes to understand people. I thought about going into counseling, social work and therapy for a while because of this...It also drives me to take "tests"- you know, personality tests, strength tests, spiritual gift tests...

Well, Mercy is my number one Spiritual Gift.

1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.

2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.

3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.

4. Alleviation of distress; relief: Taking in the refugees was an act of mercy

 

I am full of compassion. I love people. I want to help people. I am used to people feeling comfortable with me and having pretty deep relationships as I am also a "relator" on the strengths test and so developing relationships is part of who I am and how I work.

 

In the not so far away, I have had a couple friendships that were fairly new and those friendships were quickly spreading thru my heart and into my life.

 

Suddenly, the relationship came to an abrubt stand still. I was left with next to no information. But, that friend that was feeling like a new kindred spirit- was suddenly "ripped" away.

 

I began internalizing. I began thinking the person(s) I was caring so much about, just didn't like me anymore. I was feeling like I must have done something wrong. I wondered why this happened?? I. I. I. I. I. I. I......

 

 

It soon became apparent in both instances, that somehow, I made the situations all about me. Why?? In reality, the individuals I was dealing with were having some very major challenges in their lives that really had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! But, I was determined that they were all about me.

 

I guess, it is selfishness. A self-centered issue. I feel like a toddler as I write this- you know....thinking that the world revolves around me...?

 

In the midst of all of this, I felt nudged to pray for the person. This was a HUGE help. Praying shifted me away from me. Praying made me really feel for them and whatever their situation was- whether I knew what it was or not- and I didn't! But, it didn't matter so much anymore that I felt...it mattered that THEY felt. THEY had needs. That THEY were important. That THEY were loved and would come out of whatever was going on for the better.

 

Life feels so much better when it's not all about me. Life is so much nicer when instead of thinking the worst and worrying, I am hoping and wanting the best and trusting that God is good and he will take care of everything if I just have faith and try to love others and think of them before myself!

 

Some Turmoil Turned Around

I interrupt the Forgiveness series to share with you a little turmoil turned around!

Lately, I have been getting an incredible sense of loneliness.

I have told people about it. Posted on FB about it. I have asked people to pray concerning it. I have cried out loud about it. I have prayed myself and pondered why, in such a friendly place- and knowing so many people in such a short time- have I not had that "click"? I have been feeling pretty desperate about it....
   

We were fortunate enough as a family unit living in Plainfield, Illinois to have wonderful neighbors in our neighborhood that we could hang out with at the drop of a hat!
We had 2 families in Canton, Ohio that were like extended family to my family. We did weekends together, holidays...sometimes even school nights!
We were very close with 2 families in Pryor, Oklahoma as well. They became like family to us almost instantly as we were over 1000 miles away from our own.
Before that, we were in Columbus, Ohio and we were fabulous friends with a family with 3 boys when we had 3 girls. Again, like extended family!

You get the idea, I am sure! We got it in our heads, that where ever we lived, there would undoubtedly be someone that this connection would happen with.

Here, we have definitely made friends. But not the same kind. Very loving people, for sure, but no one we hang out with nearly every weekend consistently. No one we do holidays with. It is different. For a while, I had been looking at this as a bad thing....

It has been harder for me than my husband as he is a salesman and likes lots of people and has friends- but I am more intimate with people, I guess you could say. I LOVE spending one-on-one time. Talking. Laughing. Sharing life with others on a regular basis.

But, today, I feel like I had somewhat of a revelation!! Today, I feel like as bleak as things have seemed to me- they may not be so bad after all!

Today, I realized, that with only a couple more years with my oldest before she goes to college, and a few before the next goes...maybe what I am supposed to do with that feeling of loneliness is to spend it with my FAMILY. Have a coffee date with my girls. Go on more dates with my husband.
If we were going to spend $50 inviting another family over for dinner- why not just take our family to see a movie we have been wanting to see instead?

This could be a remarkable opportunity for The Neu Crew! I cannot wait to see how this all turns out now.... I will keep you posted! :)

Forgiveness Part 2

What about forgiving yourself??

Since we are all imperfect, we ALL mess up! Sometimes, we do it on accident. Sometimes, we do wrong KNOWINGLY.

In my humble opinion, it is pretty easy to firgive yourself when you have done something wrong accidentally; however, when you know something is wrong and do it anyway, it is a little more difficult to forgive yourself.

I say this, picture your best friend, of someone else you love tremendously having done the same thing(s), and then looking back and feeling remorse- wishing they hadn't done it or said it, and seeking to be forgiven.

WOULD YOU FORGIVE THEM???

If you said, "Yes"- then put that same perspective on you and your situation. FORGIVE YOURSELF!!

Since, ALL OF US ARE IMPERFECT- we are ALL going to need forgiveness. Yes, that includes the one writing this and the one reading it! :)

Forgiveness Part 1

THIS seems like a HUGE topic....
although, it isn't really that ginormous when you break it down!
So, I am gonna try to break it down, yo! lol
Many people think that in forgiving another person, you are saying that what they did is OK.

NOT TRUE!!!!!!         

What is actually happening within forgiveness is that you are not requiring or wanting revenge- or justice for what happened.

I have struggled with this in my life with people on many different levels. I have needed to learn to forgive wrong that was done by way of heart-break, death, physical abuse, verbal mistreatment, judgemental attitudes...some things that were intentional and some that were not. My struggles are the same as everyone else on the planet. We have all been wronged- we are all imperfect!

In some instances these wrongs were realized by the other person(s) involved and they sought out my forgiveness. In some instances, they never realized their part -or if they did, simply didn't care enough to seek the forgiveness.

I am FAR from perfect. But, I have been looking at, dealing with, and praying about forgiveness since early this past spring. Probably almost 9 months. I can honestly say that at this moment in time, I feel I have forgiven every person in every situation as far back as I can remember and as recent as this morning, at this moment. :)

It is a GREAT feeling, being at a place of forgiveness, as harboring unforgiveness makes me restless...makes me feel a sense of discontentment...and brings me to a place of almost torment inside at times with feelings of resentment and unfinished business. It makes me UGLY.

The thing about forgiveness is that it can be a reoccurring event. Being imperfect beings, we can have moments where we slip back and those old wounds are reopened and we have to forgive once again.

But, it is worth it! FAR better than the alternative- When I don't forgive, on the outside it is apparent, as I have nothing nice to say about the other person. I may have nothing but ugly words to say to the person or about the person. I may hate the thought of even being in their presence- or picture dumping a bucket of ice cold water over their head out in the snow- or even slapping them across the face in my mind. On the indside I am churning...thinking over and over again about the situation- unable to let it go- unable to move on. Inside I am stuck. IT IS UGLY!

 It is poison!


It is poison to us...not to the other person when we harbor unforgiveness....
The other person, as I stated earlier, may not even realize that they have done wrong- or they may just not care. If that is the case- the only person being damaged by the torment  going on in your mind and body over the issue at hand is YOU!

Why do that to yourself????? :)