Today I heard this still small voice that said- "Callico, why is everything about you?"
On my way home from taking the teens school shopping and doing our grocery shopping we managed to get into a traffic jam. A traffic jam out in the country, not during rush hour and about half an hour from home.
I sat there and enjoyed listening and watching the girls dance and sing to a couple songs on the radio...and then I began to get impatient!
I had two daughters waiting for us at home. I had a supervisor coming over to take pictures of our home for the exchange student program. I had to get home to clean up some things before that happened. I had frozen veggies in the back of the van that were thawing. I had to PEE!
Did you hear me?? I HAD! I. I. I. I. I. I. I. ......
UGH! Then it happened, we came across the hold up. There were skid marks all across the road from what looked like the other side of the median and when you followed them to where they ended, you saw a car- a car that had completely flipped and there were things lying on the ground around it. It made me want to PUKE that I had been so concerned about ME!
Started thinking, then. That still small voice was RIGHT ON! (Unfortunately) For the past year, I am realizing how self-centered and self-seeking I have been. I HAVE made it all about me. Virtually everything! I used to be selfless and so other-motivated. What happened???
I went from being a stay-at-home mom who wrapped her world around her husband and children, to this lady who seemed to never have enough. Not given enough credit, clothes, purses, time to herself, or jewelry for that matter. I went from being so involved at church- singing, praying with people, leading small group and doing Children's Ministry- to not being involved at all. Who had I been serving for the past year? Who had I been concerned about?? Me. That's who!
I got the message today. I am not feeling good about it at all. But, I guess it is better to hear it and be able to work at getting back to the basics of caring more about others....less about me, than to have not heard it.
I realize I will need a balance. It is never good to go to the complete extreme on either level, I am realizing. I will need to take care of myself so I can care for others. But, right now, I guess I am still digesting this rough message....
3 comments:
Those lessons are where God slaps you upside the head, and they leave you feeling guilty, unhappy, and vaguely worried about the state of your soul...and worried about the kind of role model you've been. I've been there...just remember to forgive yourself, because He already has. I think He understands that it's been a tough year for all of you.
You have seen what God wanted you to see. Just like Paul, the scales have dropped from your eyes. Don't be too hard on yourself. But move forward with the balance you mentioned. You have so much inside of you to give and there are plenty of hurting people out there who could benefit from who God is growing you into. Thank you for sharing your story.
Beautiful, my friend. God has created such a beautiful heart inside you. I have always loved that so much. He's not into condemnation, neither does He want you to be. Move forward from here knowing you have a job to do...and do it well like you do everything else. I love you. :)
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