My word for 2012 "BETTER"

Someone asked me last night what my New Year's Resolution was going to be.

I do not really like the whole idea of a New Year's Resolution.....so, I do not have one.
I DO, however, like the idea a a word for the year. Another friend of mine does that- and as I follow her blog and tweets I see that it works, somehow "better" than a resolution. Maybe it is because a single word can carry meaning into so many facets of life and is general and focussed at the same time in some strange but very meaningful way....
That is my word- "BETTER".
Off the top of my head I can think of this word and its meaning transposing itself into various areas of my life in the coming year- and in the long and short of it- helping me to focus on what is most important- at least at this juncture as we all know priorities change over time and circumstance.
A lot of life as I have known it will be changing this year- and I will share that as the journey continues...but as I prepare for these changes and visualize the future, I know without a doubt that there are many areas of my life in which I must start learning the difference between good and better.
 I feel I have somewhat of a grasp on the difference between bad and good. I do not always choose good over bad- sometimes as a creature of habit, sometimes out of a certain sense of rebellion...but I must say, usually, I at least know the difference. If, though, this year, I am chosing BETTER- even over GOOD- that should help dismantle  the bad options in life a little better, too, right? (maybe that pun was intended... (;)

 
Anyway- think of the sayings you have heard;
"It is better to give than to receive."- I may need to be on the giving end more than I had before.
"Two are better than one."- maybe my alone time isn't as valuable as I had thought. Maybe more teamwork is necessary
"Better is the enemy of best" - and yet- without always even chosing better over good, is it possible to jump over everything to best?
"My life is better because you are in it."- am I making the lives of those around me better? Who am I around that makes my life better?
"Well done is better than well said"- are my actions speaking loudly and clearly to others- or are my actions muddled down as I just fill the air with the noise of my words?
"Adjustment with the right people is always better than argument with the wrong people." I need not waste my time, effort and energy arguing with others. Instead, I need to focus on working with the people in my life that I have meaningful relationship with sometimes that means adjusting to make things BETTER.
"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Am I being loving? I need not be too guarded...
"Make better choices-" better food choices, better drink choices, better time choices,
"It is better to have a few good friends than many aquaintances."- makes me think of things like Facebook and all the thousands of people who have sometimes such deep insight into our personal lives...

So, you see the possibilities of BETTER seem almost endless.... I am just scratching the surface here....but thru the upcoming year, I plan on getting BETTER at chosing what is BETTER...and becoming a BETTER person in doing so.

Cheers! :)

Bully! Bully!

Recently I had the privledge of going with a group of people to elementary schools to give a message thru a program we call "Rush Hour" about RESPECT and "anti-bullying".

Before we went, I was very excited as I personally know some young children as well as some older ones who have been faced with bullying and I think it is a hugely important message to tell these young people that it is WRONG to bully. Youngsters need to know that it is not acceptable. They are valuable people and do not have to take someone else pushing them around, belittling them, or being cruel to them with words or actions.

Something had not occurred to me until I was there backstage listening to the message being acted out. I heard them say that young people can take their example from the older people around them concerning how to treat others and show respect....and it has had me thinking....

I  KNOW ADULTS WHO ARE BULLIES!

You probably do, too. You know- the ones who put you or others down. They say things to make people feel like they are worthless and gross and ignorant. They use their words to tear others down - ON PURPOSE!

I am not sure what makes people think they have the right to belittle another human being...but it is DEAD WRONG! Somehow, even though our society does not condone in any way shape or form physical abuse, it seems to in some way, excuse this verbally abusive behavior sometimes with adult people. I am not sure why. It really is just NOT ACCEPTABLE!

I urge you, if you are being bullied by an adult in your life- confront them. Try to seek help. If they refuse to change- don't walk- RUN in the other direction as fast as you can! You ARE valuable and deserve to be treated with respect!! If a person in your life is purposely tearing you down- saying demeaning things to you- making you feel ashamed and bad about yourself to somehow make themselves feel better- YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE IT!

Make the choice to surround yourself with positive, loving, and caring people. When you are in that kind of an environment, you have the ability to reach out to others in a positive, loving and caring way. Don't let the harmful and hurtful words of another push you down so that you cannot be a light to others! After all- in this world one of the most important things you can do is love others.... :)

RESPECT-

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for respect for a suspect's right to the elderly.

BULLY-
a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

Selfish Confessions

Confession time.... Hopefully this will help someone else on their journey. It is pretty embarrassing to me....

I had my first child when I was 24.5. I had my last when I was 29.5. I had FOUR in FIVE years. Not complainging about that. I really wanted to have them close together. Our hope is that they will always be best friends - there for eachother thru life!

People told me that when I had children my life would completely change- I thought they didn't know what they were talking about. I had worked with children and adults with disabilities, I had nannied, I had been serviing people and teaching them for a long time. How different could having kids be?? HA! My life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. My husband and I also made the decision that our children would be homeschooled, and not watched by people who were not in our family until they were able to talk well enough to give us details of time spent with people- and had a good foundation of good verse bad, etc. I had some part time jobs along the way while raising and homeschooling my four girls. Watched other kids, cleaned houses, worked for a church part time, worked part time at Gap Kids...things like that.

I liked homeschooling. I loved my kids. But as my husband said, "You like Chocolate ice cream, does that mean you would want it for every meal every day?" The answer became over the years, "No."

The thing was, I did absolutely nothing anymore that represented my own identity. No scrap booking, no horseback riding, no fitness, no dancing. We might have gone out on a date once a year- maybe twice.

I got to the point where I felt like my life consisted of living in a shadow. Supporting and aiding everyone else in my life with their dreams and desires and completely forgetting my own.

Food became a fantastic friend. So did watching TV. I am an introvert anyway, so slowly but surely, I didn't even want to come out of the house. We had moved to Illinois when my oldest was about 11 and I didn't really know people there and I really missed my family and my friends in Ohio....it was easier to just stay to myself and go out to my kids' activities, go to homeschooling co-op and that was more than enough.

I came to the end of my rope. My husband and I began having some marriage trouble. I really felt pushed over the edge. We had no church home as we had all the other years of our marriage. No accountability. No "help".

That's when it happened. A neighbor about 10 years younger than me, started inviting me to go for walks. on those walks we would end up running, doing lunges, crunches, talking. I felt the burn again. I remembered how much I missed that feeling. ( Working out had always been a huge part of my life- I was the 12 year old in the house working out to Jane Fonda videos alone, the girl in jr. high lifting weights with the guys after school, the college gal working at Bally's).

I started taking Zumba Fitness classes. I started remembering what it felt like to have my own identity....and BOY, did I let that feeling take over!!

Yes, I was working out again, and that was a good thing for I was up to about a size 16 and the end-of-pregnancy weight I had been before- and getting unhealthier by the minute! But, for about 2 years, I fed my own desires. I thought more about myself that anyone, really. I wasn't as thorough even in homeschooling my girls. I would leave my family time and time again just to do my own thing and be away. I went out with friends. I lavished myself with gifts- actually needed clothes as I lost weight- but it seemed like I cared more about my own clothes, than those of my children! Handbags, shoes, sunglasses- I had to have them.

UGLY. SELFISH. SELF-SEEKING. GROSS. SELF-CENTERED. ALL ABOUT ME. UNCARING.

Thankfully. we moved. I didn't want to move- but it WAS the best move.

With the move, we found a home church right away- which was a great thing as it was already bringing our family back to that foundation it had always had thru the years before we moved to Illinois. My kids needed me. My husband was sure he had not realized before being apart from us all for about 4 months, how much he needed all of us.

I find myself right now- regretting the way I seemed to have "checked out" of my family for a while. I can only tell others from my own experience, that it is so important to keep up with your own identity. Yes, serve and love others, but you can't let them become your life. You still have to see who you are- and do the things you were designed to do. For some people, that may be to wrap your whole world around your children and your husband. What I have found for myself and many other ladies I know is that I am better for myself, my husband and my kids when I have a balance.

I need to be about them. But, there are other things in life I am passionate about- and I cannot just push those things aside as if they don't exist. It makes me unbalanced and unhealthy.

Right now- I have my passions with my husband and children and I have my passions with things I am doing outside of that. I am a much happier me...and a much less selfish me. I love to work on the things outside of my family that are helping others- and I love the time I get with my family. Probably enjoying both aspects of life NOW, more than ever!

Hope this story of my selfishness helps someone else - hopefully, someone else can avoid going thru it!

The Beauty of Forgiveness

I have had some people in my life look up to me. I have had some people in my life call me a hypocrite and look down on me. Neither of these positions makes me happy. I have struggled my whole life wanting to make people happy- so, knowing full well that I am always going to let someone down because of how imperfect I am, makes me worrisome and pressured when they think too highly of me. On the other hand- people who judge me and seemingly dislike me...well, that makes me feel bad, too, because I want to be liked and I love people- so I don't enjoy being hated!

However, one thing that has become apparent to me over the years (and it has taken me 40)- is that you can never please everyone all the time. That is freeing!! I have learned that the harder someone judges another person, usually means the person doing the judging is the one with the bigger issues...I mean, let's face it- NO ONE is perfect- NOT EVEN ONE of us living here on earth. Knowing that I am imperfect should push me toward grace and mercy for others, knowing that I need it as well.

In 1 Timothy 1:15 Paul says this, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." This is often times, exactly how I feel.

Also in Romans 7:15 Paul says this, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Today, as I reflect on a life full of sin and grossness....I am thankful that I am forgiven! FORGIVENESS IS A  BEAUTIFUL THING!

The Beauty of Family

The past couple days as I have been noticing over and over again the beauty of family.

I adore my family!

I love moments we spend eating, shopping, cuddling, playing games, attending sporting events, watching movies...the years I have had the privledge of educating my kids...and still now, after sending some into public school it is so fun to get things ready with them for Spirit Week, going to see them perform, or play sports, meeting their friends, having their friends over, getting ready for dances...the support and the love that I feel as we all do life together and all cheer eachother on and show how much we really care about eachother is amazing!

Sometimes, most times, with six of us- life can get extremely busy and feel crazy! But, I wouldn't trade it for the whole world!!

I love it all- it is all so beautiful! I cannot imagine life without a family and the ties that bind us together- the memories we make together and the tremendous love we share. I have raised my girls telling them over and over again that they were born to be best friends. "No matter what the world throws at you, you will always have eachother!"

Family is a beautiful thing!! We are sooo blessed!!

Seeing Beauty

We had quite a bit of snow the past day and a half or so. I am not a fan of snow and cold and more darkness in a 24 hour period. In fact, if I could, I would live somewhere closer to the equator- where it was always hot, more sunny and never snowed! lol

However, this month of December, I am asking God to let me see more beauty. (Got this in a way from my cousin, Heather, who often asks God to surprise her!) You can read some of her stuff here: http://gentlespiritmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/day-1630.html

He sure does answer prayer! Today, in the midst of my driving around town thinking about the immense amount of fog and snow and greyness of the sky I found myself thinking "This is like Narnia- always winter, never Christmas!"

Suddenly, I drive by a beautiful sight- I had stopped thinking about how things looked outside completely and I see something that was so beautiful to me, I had to stop my car, put it in reverse, get out and take a picture! Then, of course, I HAD to share that picture on Facebook. (I share just about everything on Facebook- perhaps it's my part Hippie upbringing - you know, open book, sharing everything, peace, love, joy..... hehe)

Anyway, as I saw the beautiful, fluffy, white, powdery snow on  darker, harder, and more rigid branches against what was now a beautifully pure and illuminus shade of blue sky....I thought- "HOW BEAUTIFUL!"

Then, I started thinking...isn't that how God works? Even in times and places where we are thinking the forecast is ugly, dreary and dark...He shows up and He makes what we thought was far from beautiful into pure, magical beauty!! :)