Remembering....

11 years ago today, I was at home with my 4 daughters (who were then 10 months, 2, 4 and 5 years old) when I received a phone call from my dear friend, Emanda, asking if I saw the plane crash into a NY city building on TV. I had not. I was busy getting my girls ready to go see my grandmother and stay with her for a while that day- to keep her company and look after her.
I turned on the radio when we were in the car. I heard about it on the news and when I got to my aunt's house to be with Grandma, she had it all on TV. It sort of seems like a blurr. It sort of seems like a nightmare.
I remember seeing the video repeatedly. Smoke pouring from the buildings, bodies falling out of the highest heights- it looked unreal. I couldn't take it anymore after a while. I had checked on friends we had in the city and friends we had who might have been at the Pentagon that day.... I felt sick. My world seemed to be shaken. I never really realized the full capacity of evil people had in them until then, I imagine.....
I stayed away from the TV, the radio, everything media related. I didn't think I could feel any worse. I had no idea tears could keep being produced that long. I realized, I didn't even lose a loved one in the incidents...I felt absolute agaony over those many, many people who did.
Then, something amazing came out of the tragedy. People were being recognized as heros. People were actually looking into the eyes of their fellow Americans and CARING. A shift happened in our nation that terrible day. It drew us all together in a way that I had not remembered in my life time. I heard people say it wouldn't last long.... but to me, it seemed to last for quite a while.
I find it interesting how bad draws out good. How loss makes us appreciate more life and gain.
I think it is right on this day, 11 years later, to remember how we pull together. How we have many many heros in our midst even still today. People in the armed forces, people who fight fires, police, rescue workers... and even just the regular average Joes who are walking around with us.
When it comes down to it,we have a bond and it's greater than being a Nation- it is that we are HUMAN. We are all in this life together. We need eachother.
I hope in remembering the events that happened 11 years ago today, we remember how important that it is not to lose sight of our call as human beings to be there for one another. You just might be someone's hero without even knowing....



Peace!

It all started probably from the moment I was born. I am a tester, a limit pusher by nature.

I heard that when I was 2, I left my tricycle in the drive (after being told not to) and my answer for doing so was, "I can't help it. It ran out of gas." Yeah right.

I was almost 11 when my best friend got hit by a drunk driver while riding her bike and I was supposed to be with her but stayed back to get my chores done. She was killed and I decided to test God. I told him I was going to ride my bike down a road with my eyese closed and it he was really there, he would protect me. (I know you are shaking your head right now and thinking, "STUPID!") I ended up diving head first into a bush and flew over the handle bars, landing flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me- but other than that, I was unharmed.

This has been the story of my life. I think I know what's good, what's bad. I think I can predict the future sometimes....mostly because I always thought I could make things happen- or make them not happen.

This began changing for me about a year and a half ago. I went to the doctor and during the exam, they told me I needed another more specific exam with a biopsy as they thought I may have cancer. I kept myself together while in the office. I made it out to my car and curled up in a ball and bawled like a baby.

But, something changed in that moment. I gave up. I declared that I trusted God. No matter what. It was all in His hands and I would love Him either way. I didn't need all the control anymore. I didn't need to test and push. I just needed to be.

In the end, I didn't have cancer. People prayed over me and exactly what they prayed for happened that day in the doctor's office. He examined me and said he didn't see anything or feel aything they said they did in the original exam. He said he would do the biopsy anyway, but he didn't think there was really a good reason to. :) My eyes filled with tears as I laid on that examination table and I knew it was a miracle. I knew I was already being shown that resting was the best thing.

Now, it didn't end there. I still have issues and times of struggle- there are things and situations I have thought briefly would be better if I controlled them. Then I remember, I don't need to be in control. I don't need to make it all happen or force it not to. In fact things are better when they work themselves out and I just relax and have faith that they will.

I have looked back at the past and I have realized that there have been things I struggled trying with all my might to force- and they didn't happen- and in the end, that ended up being for good reason. There are things that DID happen and I didn't want them to, but in the end it was for good reason.

Today, I can honestly say, I have a peace unlike any I have ever had. I know that I don't have to constantly be in battle mode. I can RELAX. Things will happen as they are supposed to if I do my part and then believe for the rest. It feels good! No pressure. It isn't all up to me anymore. PEACE!

This is my stance..... I feel free at last!