Peace!

It all started probably from the moment I was born. I am a tester, a limit pusher by nature.

I heard that when I was 2, I left my tricycle in the drive (after being told not to) and my answer for doing so was, "I can't help it. It ran out of gas." Yeah right.

I was almost 11 when my best friend got hit by a drunk driver while riding her bike and I was supposed to be with her but stayed back to get my chores done. She was killed and I decided to test God. I told him I was going to ride my bike down a road with my eyese closed and it he was really there, he would protect me. (I know you are shaking your head right now and thinking, "STUPID!") I ended up diving head first into a bush and flew over the handle bars, landing flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me- but other than that, I was unharmed.

This has been the story of my life. I think I know what's good, what's bad. I think I can predict the future sometimes....mostly because I always thought I could make things happen- or make them not happen.

This began changing for me about a year and a half ago. I went to the doctor and during the exam, they told me I needed another more specific exam with a biopsy as they thought I may have cancer. I kept myself together while in the office. I made it out to my car and curled up in a ball and bawled like a baby.

But, something changed in that moment. I gave up. I declared that I trusted God. No matter what. It was all in His hands and I would love Him either way. I didn't need all the control anymore. I didn't need to test and push. I just needed to be.

In the end, I didn't have cancer. People prayed over me and exactly what they prayed for happened that day in the doctor's office. He examined me and said he didn't see anything or feel aything they said they did in the original exam. He said he would do the biopsy anyway, but he didn't think there was really a good reason to. :) My eyes filled with tears as I laid on that examination table and I knew it was a miracle. I knew I was already being shown that resting was the best thing.

Now, it didn't end there. I still have issues and times of struggle- there are things and situations I have thought briefly would be better if I controlled them. Then I remember, I don't need to be in control. I don't need to make it all happen or force it not to. In fact things are better when they work themselves out and I just relax and have faith that they will.

I have looked back at the past and I have realized that there have been things I struggled trying with all my might to force- and they didn't happen- and in the end, that ended up being for good reason. There are things that DID happen and I didn't want them to, but in the end it was for good reason.

Today, I can honestly say, I have a peace unlike any I have ever had. I know that I don't have to constantly be in battle mode. I can RELAX. Things will happen as they are supposed to if I do my part and then believe for the rest. It feels good! No pressure. It isn't all up to me anymore. PEACE!

This is my stance..... I feel free at last!