Green Pastures and Still Waters

All of my life, I have bee an achiever. Some might say an over-achiever. (lol) At times, it seems that the word "rest" could not possibly have been a word in my vocabulary! I have always enjoyed making lists and checking things off. The bigger the project, the better! People around me would just assume let me work alone as I rarely know how to even take a break! My philosphy has been that of "get the work done and then we can eat or play." 

Lately, though, all the busyness that I am accustomed to has been stripped away. There are no complications...fewer responsibilities...and beautiful green pastures, sunrises and sunsets, wildlife, and mountains everywhere I look! In fact, I have had a fox walk before my path and even a snake slither before my feet while walking around a reservoir and enjoying a gorgeous sunset this past week.

I feel rested. I used to get "heart palpitations" on occasion from nerves being jumpy- probably from being "maxed out" from all the many activities I was involved in and the many responsibilities that I held. Now, I look around me and notice a steady rhythm in my breathing and heart beating. I do not feel the stress that I once was so used to feeling and it seems to be making a difference in my ability to truly enjoy the many blessings in my life.

I can actually hear animals around me...crickets, locusts, and birds. People I care about talk to me and I am completely focussed on what they are saying and can enjoy hearing and seeing them as they share their lives with me! My husband and I have been able to spend good quality time together every day and share our lives, thoughts and feelings. I no longer have to go for a run to clear my head and think. I have a clear head...I am not distracted.

Worshipping God has never been easier! I see Him in everything surrounding me! His creation is magnificent and I am constantly marveled by it and by his many provisions for my family.

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters."... verses I always thought talked about death. Now, I am realizing for the first time in my life that this is the key to LIFE! God doesn't want any of us so busy or so stressed that we are unable to enjoy the many blessings He has put before us! He leads us and makes us so that we can enjoy Him and all of His creation. The people, the places, the animals and the scenery! GOD IS SO GOOD!

All About Me

WOW! Today I am hit pretty hard.
Today I heard this still small voice that said- "Callico, why is everything about you?"

On my way home from taking the teens school shopping and doing our grocery shopping we managed to get into a traffic jam. A traffic jam out in the country, not during rush hour and about half an hour from home.

I sat there and enjoyed listening and watching the girls dance and sing to a couple songs on the radio...and then I began to get impatient!

I had two daughters waiting for us at home. I had a supervisor coming over to take pictures of our home for the exchange student program. I had to get home to clean up some things before that happened. I had frozen veggies in the back of the van that were thawing. I had to PEE!

Did you hear me?? I HAD! I. I. I. I. I. I. I. ......

UGH! Then it happened, we came across the hold up. There were skid marks all across the road from what looked like the other side of the median and when you followed them to where they ended, you saw a car- a car that had completely flipped and there were things lying on the ground around it. It made me want to PUKE that I had been so concerned about ME!

Started thinking, then. That still small voice was RIGHT ON! (Unfortunately) For the past year, I am realizing how self-centered and self-seeking I have been. I HAVE made it all about me. Virtually everything! I used to be selfless and so other-motivated. What happened???

I went from being a stay-at-home mom who wrapped her world around her husband and children, to this lady who seemed to never have enough. Not given enough credit, clothes, purses, time to herself, or jewelry for that matter. I went from being so involved at church- singing, praying with people, leading small group and doing Children's Ministry- to not being involved at all. Who had I been serving for the past year? Who had I been concerned about?? Me. That's who!

I got the message today. I am not feeling good about it at all. But, I guess it is better to hear it and be able to work at getting back to the basics of caring more about others....less about me, than to have not heard it.

I realize I will need a balance. It is never good to go to the complete extreme on either level, I am realizing. I will need to take care of myself so I can care for others. But, right now, I guess I am still digesting this rough message....

Second Chances

This is my second attempt at writing this blog and how fitting to be writing about second chances! This just keeps in what appears to be the theme of my week- first week in our new home in Colorado!

It all started last week when a pregnant lady was going door-to-door in our neighborhood selling magazines to put herself through Nursing College. She asked if we believed in second chances. Immediately I said, "Yes!" She gave me a high five and asked me why, to which I replied, "Because I have been given second chances." She shared that she felt she was being given a second chance through this selling opportunity as she was from the Inner City and had a baby on the way and was preparing for a better life for the two of them. I appreciated her story.

This past Sunday, my daughter shared with me that her pastor in Sunday school let each child in her class take one shot at a basket. That was all they got- one chance. After, the pastor asked if they would rather have had the opportunity for more than one shot- or chance and he proceeded with a lesson on second chances.

Later that day, our exchange student shared with us that she had been hit by a bus while walking. Then, last night we were jogging together outside and I heard her wheezing. She shared that she had asthma and when she was nine it was a big problem and took her to the hospital with cardiovascular trouble. (Talk about second chances!)

Then, today as I was preparing lunch, I heard one of my other daughters talking with her siblings about second chances....I thought, WOW! Could I hear that one more time?? WHAT is going on?

I have had a pretty lazy day with lots of time to think. (I am a thinker anyway- you will rarely- if ever catch me with nothing on my mind.) I thought about this apparent "theme" and why it is that it keeps coming up. I also thought about the many second chances I have been familiar with during my life.

I thought about me walking into a room where a heavy bookcase was and seeing my little brother climbing up on it just as it began tipping forward. I ran in and was able to hold it up until my mom could come in and help.

I thought about a friend of mine choking while we were on a trip to Washington DC and how I performed the Heimlich without being trained how and the food came dislodged and flew out of her mouth and she stopped choking.

I thought about the many times I had taken my life into my own hands as a young adult thinking I was invinceable and doing very stupid things! How it was a miracle at the very least I had made it through some of those situations.

I thought about a couple of friends who tried to commit suicide that I was able to be there for and get help - and thankfully they survived!

I remembered a time I was driving my Ford Escort to BGSU during a snow storm with some friends and how my car was spinning out of control as a semi approached from the other direction on a two lane highway. I fought and fought to straighten it out, but nothing worked until I completely let go of the wheel and sent up a little prayer. Suddenly, we were driving straight and out of harm's way.

I reflected on a couple relationships I have had with people that would be completely dead right now if it weren't for second chances.

Soon I was thinking about the present. About how in some ways it already seems as though we have been given a second chance with this move. A chance to bring our family closer to our values again. A chance to strengthen our relationships with eachother, a chance to see some economic growth, a chance to be more involved at church. Could it be that somehow we will be used here to help give another person a second chance at something? The possibilities are endless!

Who knows....but I know that the possibilities are there. They are ever present. You never know how many chances you will get in this life and you never know how you may be involved in another person's second chance....

Do I believe in Second Chances??? YES!!!! And, I am VERY THANKFUL for them!

Dumpster Diving

A lot of changes are going on in my life right now. We have just relocated from Chicago, Illinois to Denver, Colorado. I have been living in a hotel with 4 girls, and two dogs for the past 4 days. We will be joined by my husband - and finally move into our new home - which by the way, I never even saw until we arrived here yesterday. I relied on my guy to find us the perfect place! (Yes, he did a fantastic job! I knew he would!)

I gave up coaching basketball. Something I have been passionate about for the past 9 or so years. I started coaching when my oldest was in Kindergarten and she is now going into 9th grade. I had recently established a couple of Zumba fitness classes at our local recreation center- and had to leave that, as well as a very fun neighborhood Zumba Fitness class and a lot of great neighbors!

Now- combine all of this with the fact that I was leaving some people I hold very dear to my heart- people I love. Add to that the fact that so were my family members and as you might know- a mother feels the pain her children feel...and I swear I felt every emotion they have had about this move right along with them.

We are also moving further from the family and friends we love in Ohio- which means less visits with them...this is yet another thing pulling at our heart strings!

On top of all of this- I have been a single parent of four girls and two dogs for 3 months. (My husband went on ahead of us to start his new job). Trying to keep all the regular things that go along with "normal life"as well as preparing for this move was definitely a challenge at times!

I am not complaining. I knew from the time we moved to our home in Illinois from our home in Canton, Ohio that we would be moving again. In fact, we thought we may only be in Chicago for a short 1 year to 18 months. With the economy taking a downward turn, we stayed for 3 yearsas Mark's company was not moving people into new positions for a while. I am simply saying all of this to say.....

At times, I have been a basket case. Crying. And crying. And crying. At times I have been a complete GRUMP. At times, I have been reclusive and wanted nothing from no one. My emotions have been all over the place and sometimes very ugly. I certainly haven't felt quite like my normal self. I have not had the patience and cheer and joy and love that I seem to normally have quite easily.

It was when I threw my keys into a dumpster along with our trash somewhere in Nebraska and on our way to Colorado that something occurred to me. The dumpster stank! The keys went right to the bottom...I could see them- but there was no way to reach them without diving in after them. It wasn't pretty!

That is when my 3rd daughter smiled and said, "Sure, I will get them..."and with a smile on her face, she went in, grabbed them and came out! I have thought about that over and over the past couple days.

It reminded me of other loved ones in my life- and how they dive right in with me - sometimes without me- when things are going bad and they stink and they smile and say "Sure!" It is through these times in life when things can get ugly- when IIIII can get ugly and IIII stink - that I most see and feel the love of those who choose to ignore the stench and be there with me and for me!

It reminds me and inspires me to be that kind of person- to have that kind of selfless love for those in my life who need that smile and willingness to dive into the stink of the dumpster!

Running and Life

OK! Yesterday was the day! I went to bed Friday night and said to myself, "Tomorrow morning is the day I am going to wake up, eat some cottage cheese, drink some coffee, a bit of water, and go out and accomplish 3 miles!"
Saturday morning I woke up and followed my planned schedule. I was determined to accomplish my goal. I had it in my head that it would be important to keep a slow pace so I would not tire too soon. I chose my music accordingly on my ipod. Nothing too fast- but upbeat enough to keep me moving!
As I jogged, I found that I needed to stay focussed. I had a rhythm going and I tried to keep it as steady as I could. At times, there were distractions, but I took my thoughts captive and blocked out those distractions as they came up- "The sun is so hot- I can feel the sweat dripping...NO! Here is the rhythm....concentrate on the run." "Move into the grass- there is a person walking dogs...NO! Keep the rhythm in the grass." "Where did the breeze go?? I am sooo hot! NO!- Keep the rhythm...finish the run. Meet the goal." "I am gonna finish this! - FASTER- FASTER! NO! Keep up the rhythm...no distractions....stay focussed."
I just knew that it was going to happen- the only thing that could possibly stand in my way was me~! And, I wasn't gonna let that happen!
The last half of a mile was so hard. Not because I was tired- but because I had to restrain myself! I was smiling from ear to ear! I mean, I had the biggest, silliest grin on my face because I knew I was about to accomplish my goal! I can only imagine what neighbors thought as they drove by and saw me running out there! lol
At last, it took me 40 minutes, but I ran - no stopping- no walking, for 40 minutes and made 3.08 miles! I was pumped! I felt like I could do anything! Is that a "Runner's High"  Perhaps I should have kept going?!
Lessons for me as I ran concerning life. KEEP FOCUSSED. Don't be distracted by things and people that try to take your eyes off of your priorities. There have been other areas of my life that I look at now and realize how I let something slip in and take my eyes off of what really mattered. If I pursue all of the relationships and goals in my life with such determination, there is really no telling how successful they will be. Not allowing distractions to interfere is HUGE! When I listen- really listen- keep my mind from wandering. When I am studying, really study and do not let anything take me away from it until I am done. When I have time with someone- devote that time to them- the cell phone can wait.
And on another end of the spectrum- don't push it, one thing at a time and then you can set new goals and strive for new accomplishments. Sometimes, a distraction can be as simple as trying to plan for the next thing before the current thing is even finished! (That's a problem us crazy planner-type people have!)
I love running as it gives me time to think and has been teaching me so much about life as I learn more about running.
I accomplished another small goal...next- picking up the pace! :)

Guarding Hearts

Hmmm...this is a tough one for me. I am a firm believer in LOVE. I feel like it is what makes the world go round...but in being loving, we put ourselves out there- we are vulnerable...and when we are vulnerable, we open ourselves up and can end up delving into a beautiful relationship with another human being, or we can end up very hurt.
The Bible is very clear on what love is and what it is not. Love is patient and kind, keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices in truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. It does not boast, isn't proud, isn't rude, or self-seeking. It is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. Being as straight-forward as all that is, I will be the first to admit that I am not always good at LOVING- this action that I feel is so important in life.
I especially struggle with the "always trusts and always hopes" and sometimes the "keeps no record of wrongs." That struggle I have with those things stems from my heart being hurt in the past and not wanting to feel that pain again. But, what a viscious circle! I love, get hurt, am afraid to really love, and this could end up causing another person pain through my lack of love. My inability to be completely loving stems from being hurt myself. It affects the way I love. It reminds me of a saying my grandma would always say, "Hurt people, hurt people." It is not the intention always, but it is a reality.
So, throw in the "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Ahhhh....if only I would have learned this lesson early on in life. So, willing and eager to give my heart and be loving, I did not realize how important it was to protect that same heart. It is a lesson I hope to pass down to my daughters, for sure, and anyone else who will listen. (Including myself at times!) LOVING people is soooo important. But, equally important is to not just take your heart and hand it to someone! It is important to get to know a person - their motives, their hearts, before you can just decide you are going to be safe with being completely vulnerable and fully opening your heart to them.
I guess as with everything else in life, it would be wonderful if we did not have to worry about heart-ache and how it would affect us down the road in our lives. But we live in an imperfect world and hurt people really do hurt people - and so we have got to balance being loving and guarding our hearts.

"

These Are Silver- The Others Gold

My oldest daughter has been struggling with our upcoming move out west. My heart-strings are pulled by her in this as I have moved quite a bit in my life-time and had to make new friends, attend new schools, leave comforts behind and venture into new territory. Although in some aspects that is quite an adventure, it also means leaving a place you feel comfortable, friends and possibly family you love, and other things that have become such a big part of your life behind- so to speak.
We had the chance recently to relax in a hot tub together and as we sat there she started explaining how difficult it was to leave several of her closest friends. She mentioned that they could and would never be replaced. (Already this is bringing tears to my eyes as I type, since I truly can relate to this so well!) I told her she was EXACTLY CORRECT! These people she loves cannot EVER be replaced! Then, I went on to list some of my closest friends from my school years. I told her that even the ones that I have not had much contact with- the memories, the relationship was always with me - and reconnecting with them has made life much sweeter.
I reflected with her on friends of mine she has met. One from close to my hometown that I met after high school. But, I told her, if I would have stayed there, we never would have met the wonderful friends we made in Columbus! If we would have stayed in Columbus, we would have never met the wonderful friends we made in Oklahoma. If we would have stayed in Oklahoma, we would have never met the wonderful friends we have in Canton. If we never left Canton, we would have never met the wonderful friends we have made in Illinois. I reassured her that we will make more wonderful friends in Colorado.
I also shared with her- that none of the people I mentioned to her were replacing anyone! In fact, I cannot imagine my life without a single one of them now. Each of them brings something unique and special to my life and I cherrish them for that! I have been blessed...my family has been blessed by these friendships through these moves. I know I can always go to any one of them for anything and they are there! I also believe they know the same is true of me for them!
It all reminds me of the song we sang in girlscouts- "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other, gold."