Marriage...a Dream within a Dream

I love that movie! And THAT is one of my favorite lines of all time.  The reality of it all, though, is that marriage is hard work!
I realized that to some point before I got married. I was afraid of marriage. Out of all the people I knew who were married, most were also divorced.
A little more than a year ago, I had been married for around 14.5 years. I had known my husband for 17 years. During that time, we had our fair share of ups and downs. Fortunately, we always said, we had never been down at the same time. Suddenly, all of that changed. We were both down at the same time. Neither of us were sure how this whole thing would pan out.
The truth of the matter is that I went back to my hometown and I talked to some of my family and let them know where I was in it all. The way I saw it, we had a few options...we could stay married and unhappy until our youngest was 18. We could make the decision to quit and move on. We could work it out- but it was going to be WORK, if that was what we chose.
I will never forget something about that time. I thought,again and again, about my own life. I had been a child of divorce. I thought about my kids. I thought about the work that would undboubtedly come from a divorce- all the possible unpleasantries....but more than that....I thought about what my baby brother said to me.
"Cal, when was the last time you put on a killer dress and got all dolled- up for your husband? You know, it may seem bad, but us guys like the lady on our arm to look hot." Then he said, "And, you can't quit. You are an example to the rest of us. We look up to you."
Truth in love. That was tough to here. I HAD RESPONSIBILITY. I needed to realize my part in my marriage and in the lives of people around me.
I went home. My husband and I talked....we decided to WORK at our marriage. I had left feeling like I knew what HE needed to do to help. Since then, I have repeatedly seen things I need to do to make our marriage better.
I think that is what I want to share...as once again, I am seeing that marriage is like life. Constantly changing. New needs and desires arise. We really need to be like a student of our spouse and learn what those things are constantly, and then work to meet them. The joy lies there. Meeting a need- filling a gap- completing the other in some way.
It is the Holiday season....so while we are thinking about talking about GIVING...what about concentrating on GIVING ourselves to our spouse. Put a bow on yourself!! :)