I have heard it said that anger is a secondary emotion. Which means that in general, the first emotion is maybe hurt or scared- but to kind of mask the volnurability that goes along with those emotions that somehow open us up to another in a way that can leave us feeling weak or exposed, we hide those emotions and just unleash the beast- ANGER.
It makes sense- to truly show yourself means you are opening yourself up to the possibilities of being hurt. But, in the safe place of love, exposing ourselves becomes a beautiful thing where we truly get to know another and truly get to be known.
I would say that if you get the chance...the next time your spouse does something like forgetting your anniversary, instead of saying, "UGH. I am so mad at you! You never remember the important dates!" Say, "Honey, I love you so much and the day we were married is so important to me. I feel hurt when I feel like it isn't as important to you because you treat it like just another day." (This of course is just an example...the point I am trying to make is- don't mask what you are really feeling or thinking. Don't jump right into anger! Decide to give the loved ones in your life the benefit of knowing YOU! Tell them how you really feel deep down about things.)
I gaurantee that when you love someone and are open and honest with them and the person you are open and honest with loves you- (they have your best interest at heart as you do them)- you will reach new levels in your relationship by letting yourself be exposed! You will automatically find yourselves getting angry less and less!
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