How to Save a Life...

Wow. Angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Sad.
You learn that someone you had contact with every week, was so hurting and so desperate in this life that they took their own life.
You wonder how you didn't realize it.
You wonder why you didn't spend more time with them- especially when they invited you.
You remember two other people that you knew and cared about and you remember the phone call from one and the hurt and the pain and rushing over to their house to find them collapsed and .... you called the ambulance and they went to the hospital and had charcoal pushed into their stomach...and they were fragile...but they lived.
You remember the other person- how you didn't know where they were- why they weren't where they said they would be and you found them at the hotel they were living in - saw them sprawled out on the bed through the little piece of curtain that was somehow pulled back a bit...and you knew. you just knew. But you got there in time and the ambulance came and this friend lived....she was in the hospital for a while...but she lived....
This time, you didn't know. How could you? you weren't as involved.
 "Don't blame yourself", you heard him say through your tears and sporadic breathing... but you are thinking to yourself..."I should have noticed. I should have taken time from my busy life to spend time with her. She wanted to hang out. I did, too. BUT, I didn't make time."
"How to Save a Life" is a song I cannot get out of my head.....
oh how i wish i could run right now...i would run and run and run and not stop until i ran out of tears...out of pain...out of sadness....out of guilt....i cannot run.....so i write...and i cry...and i cry....and shake my head....
Angry. Disappointed. Frustrated. Sad.