It has been a crazy week. Emotional, exhausting, troubling, concerning.....long.....
Sunday afternoon, we found out via social media that a young man in the Junior Class at our high school had taken his life.
You feel helpless in situations like this as you read of the sadness, confusion, guilt, and sometimes feelings of hopelessness coming from your computer screen.... your heart aches as you can feel the pain from their posts....because you have experienced pain like that and understand on many levels how they feel and what they are going through.
In an attempt to reach out and let the hurting young people you know that someone is there and cares for them, you invite them to a church service you attend that happens every Sunday evening specifically for youth in high school. You let them know that if they feel like church is a place they want to go, it is open and you can offer them a ride.
Before you know it, people are posting that there is a service at your church - a Memorial Service for this young man who is no longer with us.
It's OK....you say to yourself. People will come and they will be right where they should be- with people who love God and love others. You try to remind them this is just a regular church service, but you know that the young man and this situation will be talked about as many people who go to this service knew him....and there will be prayer and hugs if wanted.....
WOW.
We prayed before we walked out into the room- we prayed for God to be there and to use us and speak words through us.
We walked into a room that soon held over 100 people easily....including the young man's family.
What happened was amazing- the plans for the regular service went out the window. People were told that they mattered. That their feelings - as many emotions as they had- were relevant and that sometimes life is hard and things don't make sense but, they were LOVED. They were loved by God and loved by the people present from our church.
We sang a couple songs... we gathered as much tissue as we could for all those tears..... we hugged so long and so hard that our arms and shoulders were actually sore..... we shed our own tears with them.
We were all reminded that this is what our Bible teaches us- we mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.
We got to hear from friends and family about their favorite memories and times with their loved one.
The principal and a football coach and two guidance counselors from the high school came. The principal and the coach shared from their hearts as they spoke to the students and the parents. The two guidance counselors spoke with individuals and gave out great big hugs......
This is so moving to me as I think this is exactly how Jesus would have done life with others..... he would have given up the "church plan" in a heart-beat for the people who were broken-hearted and hurting. He would have loved them right there and then and comforted them.
This is what Christians often profess to do- live life like Jesus..... in this particular case, I think they put those words into action- WWJD- DID IT!
I am so thankful to be a part of Rocky Mountain in Frederick Colorado. I am honored beyond measure that I get to serve in Thrive- our High School Ministry.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
What The?
I am seeing so many posts from so many Christian friends I have this morning and even last night.... well, heck.... for weeks now.
Here is the thing, I get sick to my stomach sometimes reading the crap!
Judge-mental. Legalistic. Imposing.
No wonder people don't want to go to church. No wonder people don't like Christians.
As a Christian, you should know that God himself does not FORCE himself on people. He gives us FREEDOM. Love isn't really love if it is forced on someone. A choice isn't really a choice if it is forced on someone.
How about getting out of your church? Out of your home? Out of your little circle of friends? How 'bout going into the world and hanging out with people who don't think like you? Act like you? Believe like you?
Jesus and his disciples did that! They hung out with the people that the legalistic, judge-mental and imposing people said not to!
Here is the thing- man looks at the outward appearance of things- GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART.
Are you REALLY telling me you KNOW what is in the heart of another man or woman? What their motivation is? No, I don't think you can.
As a Christian our two greatest commandments are #1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul. #2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
LOVE GOD/ LOVE PEOPLE.
Here is the thing, I get sick to my stomach sometimes reading the crap!
Judge-mental. Legalistic. Imposing.
No wonder people don't want to go to church. No wonder people don't like Christians.
As a Christian, you should know that God himself does not FORCE himself on people. He gives us FREEDOM. Love isn't really love if it is forced on someone. A choice isn't really a choice if it is forced on someone.
How about getting out of your church? Out of your home? Out of your little circle of friends? How 'bout going into the world and hanging out with people who don't think like you? Act like you? Believe like you?
Jesus and his disciples did that! They hung out with the people that the legalistic, judge-mental and imposing people said not to!
Here is the thing- man looks at the outward appearance of things- GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART.
Are you REALLY telling me you KNOW what is in the heart of another man or woman? What their motivation is? No, I don't think you can.
As a Christian our two greatest commandments are #1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul. #2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
LOVE GOD/ LOVE PEOPLE.
Friday, October 19, 2012
"NO!"
I was always the "yes" girl. Someone would ask me to help with this, do that, etc, etc. I felt like if I COULD I SHOULD. In fact my life verse was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
HA! I got BURNT OUT! I mean, I was homeschooling, watching people's kids, working part time as a Childcare director, I was in choir, on Praise Team, leading a small group, working in children's ministry, teaching at co-op, coaching basketball.....I am sorry, I have to stop there, I am getting tired!! Phew!
I ended feeling used and abused and needed a LOT of time to regain my energy and stamina.
I stopped doing just about everything. I rested. I focused. I tried to understand how I got into that state and then tried to figure out how not to go back!
It wasn't until I found out my passion, that I realized how GOOD it was to say YES! It wasn't until I found my passion that I understood how easy it is to say NO!
You see, I now understand that we are all created with passions for a reason. Our passion is that thing(s) that gets our blood pumping and our motivation catches on fire and we actually just feel compelled and it feels good- not exhausting- and it is almost always on our mind and it is energizing!If it isn't my passion- it must be someone else's. They will be energized by it and more focused. They will be able to take it to a much higher level than I will.
If it isn't my passion- I will get drained...It will feel like work and I will not be making it as good as it could be.
So, if it isn't my passion, I now can say "NO" with full confidence that it is a good thing. :)
How freeing!!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The Problem with Teens?
I live in a house of 4 teenage girls right now (along with one tween girl).
The thing about these times of life is that the young person is becoming their own person. They are defining themselves. Discovering their limits (sometimes they think limits don't apply to them), likes dislikes.... they begin to truly develop a sense of self.
Sometimes, as we grow as humans we make a hard swing to one end of the pendulum as we work our way into a balance...this is true of teens just as it is a human being of any other age.
Most people don't enjoy someone breathing down their neck saying "Do this , Don't do that." Or judging their every move. Why would this be any different for a teenager?
I am not perfect. But, I have teens. (No, they aren't perfect, either.) I was a teen and I work with and know a lot of teens. Let me just say this.... so many times, I hear people talking about all these problems with teens, when the fact of the matter is that there may not necessarily be such a problem with the teens as there may be with how their actions and behaviors are being handled by others.
My personal belief, is that as a parent or guardian, you think about the final outcome of the life you are raising, as you are raising it. When my little ones were infants, I was already thinking about them as teens and adults. I pictured a temper tantrum at 2 being acted out at 16. If I didn't learn how to handle it- and teach them at a young age what was acceptable behavior and what was not at a young age, I know it would be more difficult to address as they got older.
I had a playpen I called "baby-jail" when they were little. This way they could not follow me around screaming, etc. and I had a safe place to put them while they tried this. I also, when they got older would tell them they could go in their room and scream, hit their pillow, etc if they were angry- but it was not acceptable to scream at others or get physical. (This taught them that they were allowed to have emotion- but had limits on when where and how to show and handle those emotions.) They were always aloud to talk to me about their thoughts and feelings as long as it was done in a respectful and appropriate way.
I taught my kids that they always had a choice. Respond- don't React to people and situations. No one can MAKE you do or say anything. Again, keeping in mind while they were young if they thought someone could make them do something it would only be magnified as they got older. (This is teaching them self-control and how to handle peer pressure.)
Each year, as they got older, I told myself that I was going to need to step back so they could grow. There were choices they needed to make and learn how to chose wisely...learn that sometimes, even if I would give them advice, that at times, them messing up was going to be the best way for the to learn. (This helped them learn how to make choices and decisions.)
Sometimes, teenagers, like any other human being can seem self-centered. The key here is remembering, this is not just a teen thing- but a human race thing. I think a wonderful way to combat this is to help give them opportunities to serve others. You would be amazed by how this even helps adults realize the world isn't all about them as well and how good it feels to focus on someone other than yourself. Try serving WITH teens- you can learn together!
Sometimes teens are "Know-It-Alls". But we can all be that way, too. I realize that teens have the ability to be very smart and also very stubborn- don't we all?? I do joke with my teens when they act this way and call them "KIA". It's become my non-threatening sort of joking way of reminding them that I am much older and have been through a lot more- but I will let them make their decision and see where the cards lay after I give my input and they do what they know is best. Sometimes, it's just how we end a debate. I will simply say, "OK KIA, I am done arguing." (It is OK to agree to disagree!!)
In short, Speaking of that "balance continuum" I know teens with absolutely no limits with parents who simply don't seem to care and I know teens who have parents who are SO in control of their teens' lives you would think they were still toddlers. Both groups have many issues. The ones who feel their parents don't care try desperately to get attention from their parents and others- in both good and bad ways, at times. The ones whose parents are ultra-strict, tend to sneak and try to become who they are without their parents finding out. There needs to be a balance in between the two. This way, the teens you love know you love them and will talk to you and keep you informed and might actually even care about your opinions and feelings! THIS is a "relationship".Two people caring about and thinking about the other and considering decisions based on impact they have on all.....there is a sense of being connected and sharing life.
My theory, is that there isn't really a problem with teens as much as there is a problem with others forgetting that they are people just like every other human being and that soon- very soon- they will be unsupervised all the time and in charge of their own life.
What we should be doing at this stage of the game, is guiding them. Letting them become more and more independent and telling ourselves all the while that in 1,2,3,4 and even 5 years, we will not be there. What can we do now to help ensure they will be fully functional, thriving adults without us?
I have always loved teens and terrible two's...though I have often heard comments (some extremely negative) concerning both of these age groups. Both of these groups have always held my interest as they are such developmental times in life! 
The thing about these times of life is that the young person is becoming their own person. They are defining themselves. Discovering their limits (sometimes they think limits don't apply to them), likes dislikes.... they begin to truly develop a sense of self.
Sometimes, as we grow as humans we make a hard swing to one end of the pendulum as we work our way into a balance...this is true of teens just as it is a human being of any other age.
Most people don't enjoy someone breathing down their neck saying "Do this , Don't do that." Or judging their every move. Why would this be any different for a teenager?
I am not perfect. But, I have teens. (No, they aren't perfect, either.) I was a teen and I work with and know a lot of teens. Let me just say this.... so many times, I hear people talking about all these problems with teens, when the fact of the matter is that there may not necessarily be such a problem with the teens as there may be with how their actions and behaviors are being handled by others.
My personal belief, is that as a parent or guardian, you think about the final outcome of the life you are raising, as you are raising it. When my little ones were infants, I was already thinking about them as teens and adults. I pictured a temper tantrum at 2 being acted out at 16. If I didn't learn how to handle it- and teach them at a young age what was acceptable behavior and what was not at a young age, I know it would be more difficult to address as they got older.
I had a playpen I called "baby-jail" when they were little. This way they could not follow me around screaming, etc. and I had a safe place to put them while they tried this. I also, when they got older would tell them they could go in their room and scream, hit their pillow, etc if they were angry- but it was not acceptable to scream at others or get physical. (This taught them that they were allowed to have emotion- but had limits on when where and how to show and handle those emotions.) They were always aloud to talk to me about their thoughts and feelings as long as it was done in a respectful and appropriate way.
I taught my kids that they always had a choice. Respond- don't React to people and situations. No one can MAKE you do or say anything. Again, keeping in mind while they were young if they thought someone could make them do something it would only be magnified as they got older. (This is teaching them self-control and how to handle peer pressure.)
Each year, as they got older, I told myself that I was going to need to step back so they could grow. There were choices they needed to make and learn how to chose wisely...learn that sometimes, even if I would give them advice, that at times, them messing up was going to be the best way for the to learn. (This helped them learn how to make choices and decisions.)
Sometimes, teenagers, like any other human being can seem self-centered. The key here is remembering, this is not just a teen thing- but a human race thing. I think a wonderful way to combat this is to help give them opportunities to serve others. You would be amazed by how this even helps adults realize the world isn't all about them as well and how good it feels to focus on someone other than yourself. Try serving WITH teens- you can learn together!
Sometimes teens are "Know-It-Alls". But we can all be that way, too. I realize that teens have the ability to be very smart and also very stubborn- don't we all?? I do joke with my teens when they act this way and call them "KIA". It's become my non-threatening sort of joking way of reminding them that I am much older and have been through a lot more- but I will let them make their decision and see where the cards lay after I give my input and they do what they know is best. Sometimes, it's just how we end a debate. I will simply say, "OK KIA, I am done arguing." (It is OK to agree to disagree!!)
In short, Speaking of that "balance continuum" I know teens with absolutely no limits with parents who simply don't seem to care and I know teens who have parents who are SO in control of their teens' lives you would think they were still toddlers. Both groups have many issues. The ones who feel their parents don't care try desperately to get attention from their parents and others- in both good and bad ways, at times. The ones whose parents are ultra-strict, tend to sneak and try to become who they are without their parents finding out. There needs to be a balance in between the two. This way, the teens you love know you love them and will talk to you and keep you informed and might actually even care about your opinions and feelings! THIS is a "relationship".Two people caring about and thinking about the other and considering decisions based on impact they have on all.....there is a sense of being connected and sharing life.
My theory, is that there isn't really a problem with teens as much as there is a problem with others forgetting that they are people just like every other human being and that soon- very soon- they will be unsupervised all the time and in charge of their own life.
What we should be doing at this stage of the game, is guiding them. Letting them become more and more independent and telling ourselves all the while that in 1,2,3,4 and even 5 years, we will not be there. What can we do now to help ensure they will be fully functional, thriving adults without us?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Remembering....
11 years ago today, I was at home with my 4 daughters (who were then 10 months, 2, 4 and 5 years old) when I received a phone call from my dear friend, Emanda, asking if I saw the plane crash into a NY city building on TV. I had not. I was busy getting my girls ready to go see my grandmother and stay with her for a while that day- to keep her company and look after her.
I turned on the radio when we were in the car. I heard about it on the news and when I got to my aunt's house to be with Grandma, she had it all on TV. It sort of seems like a blurr. It sort of seems like a nightmare.
I remember seeing the video repeatedly. Smoke pouring from the buildings, bodies falling out of the highest heights- it looked unreal. I couldn't take it anymore after a while. I had checked on friends we had in the city and friends we had who might have been at the Pentagon that day.... I felt sick. My world seemed to be shaken. I never really realized the full capacity of evil people had in them until then, I imagine.....
I stayed away from the TV, the radio, everything media related. I didn't think I could feel any worse. I had no idea tears could keep being produced that long. I realized, I didn't even lose a loved one in the incidents...I felt absolute agaony over those many, many people who did.
Then, something amazing came out of the tragedy. People were being recognized as heros. People were actually looking into the eyes of their fellow Americans and CARING. A shift happened in our nation that terrible day. It drew us all together in a way that I had not remembered in my life time. I heard people say it wouldn't last long.... but to me, it seemed to last for quite a while.
I find it interesting how bad draws out good. How loss makes us appreciate more life and gain.
I think it is right on this day, 11 years later, to remember how we pull together. How we have many many heros in our midst even still today. People in the armed forces, people who fight fires, police, rescue workers... and even just the regular average Joes who are walking around with us.
When it comes down to it,we have a bond and it's greater than being a Nation- it is that we are HUMAN. We are all in this life together. We need eachother.
I hope in remembering the events that happened 11 years ago today, we remember how important that it is not to lose sight of our call as human beings to be there for one another. You just might be someone's hero without even knowing....
I turned on the radio when we were in the car. I heard about it on the news and when I got to my aunt's house to be with Grandma, she had it all on TV. It sort of seems like a blurr. It sort of seems like a nightmare.
I remember seeing the video repeatedly. Smoke pouring from the buildings, bodies falling out of the highest heights- it looked unreal. I couldn't take it anymore after a while. I had checked on friends we had in the city and friends we had who might have been at the Pentagon that day.... I felt sick. My world seemed to be shaken. I never really realized the full capacity of evil people had in them until then, I imagine.....
I stayed away from the TV, the radio, everything media related. I didn't think I could feel any worse. I had no idea tears could keep being produced that long. I realized, I didn't even lose a loved one in the incidents...I felt absolute agaony over those many, many people who did.
Then, something amazing came out of the tragedy. People were being recognized as heros. People were actually looking into the eyes of their fellow Americans and CARING. A shift happened in our nation that terrible day. It drew us all together in a way that I had not remembered in my life time. I heard people say it wouldn't last long.... but to me, it seemed to last for quite a while.
I find it interesting how bad draws out good. How loss makes us appreciate more life and gain.
I think it is right on this day, 11 years later, to remember how we pull together. How we have many many heros in our midst even still today. People in the armed forces, people who fight fires, police, rescue workers... and even just the regular average Joes who are walking around with us.
When it comes down to it,we have a bond and it's greater than being a Nation- it is that we are HUMAN. We are all in this life together. We need eachother.
I hope in remembering the events that happened 11 years ago today, we remember how important that it is not to lose sight of our call as human beings to be there for one another. You just might be someone's hero without even knowing....
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Peace!
It all started probably from the moment I was born. I am a tester, a limit pusher by nature.
I heard that when I was 2, I left my tricycle in the drive (after being told not to) and my answer for doing so was, "I can't help it. It ran out of gas." Yeah right.
I was almost 11 when my best friend got hit by a drunk driver while riding her bike and I was supposed to be with her but stayed back to get my chores done. She was killed and I decided to test God. I told him I was going to ride my bike down a road with my eyese closed and it he was really there, he would protect me. (I know you are shaking your head right now and thinking, "STUPID!") I ended up diving head first into a bush and flew over the handle bars, landing flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me- but other than that, I was unharmed.
This has been the story of my life. I think I know what's good, what's bad. I think I can predict the future sometimes....mostly because I always thought I could make things happen- or make them not happen.
This began changing for me about a year and a half ago. I went to the doctor and during the exam, they told me I needed another more specific exam with a biopsy as they thought I may have cancer. I kept myself together while in the office. I made it out to my car and curled up in a ball and bawled like a baby.
But, something changed in that moment. I gave up. I declared that I trusted God. No matter what. It was all in His hands and I would love Him either way. I didn't need all the control anymore. I didn't need to test and push. I just needed to be.
In the end, I didn't have cancer. People prayed over me and exactly what they prayed for happened that day in the doctor's office. He examined me and said he didn't see anything or feel aything they said they did in the original exam. He said he would do the biopsy anyway, but he didn't think there was really a good reason to. :) My eyes filled with tears as I laid on that examination table and I knew it was a miracle. I knew I was already being shown that resting was the best thing.
Now, it didn't end there. I still have issues and times of struggle- there are things and situations I have thought briefly would be better if I controlled them. Then I remember, I don't need to be in control. I don't need to make it all happen or force it not to. In fact things are better when they work themselves out and I just relax and have faith that they will.
I have looked back at the past and I have realized that there have been things I struggled trying with all my might to force- and they didn't happen- and in the end, that ended up being for good reason. There are things that DID happen and I didn't want them to, but in the end it was for good reason.
Today, I can honestly say, I have a peace unlike any I have ever had. I know that I don't have to constantly be in battle mode. I can RELAX. Things will happen as they are supposed to if I do my part and then believe for the rest. It feels good! No pressure. It isn't all up to me anymore. PEACE!
This is my stance..... I feel free at last!
Monday, August 27, 2012
One Decision.....Changes Everything.....
It's funny how things happen in life. You make one decision and it impacts so much and you don't even know how much your life or the lives of those around you will change because of that one choice.
I am looking back and forward at the same time. Next weekend will mark one of the biggest weekends in my entire life as I reflect on the same weekend 20 years ago....
My cousin and I (who were more like sisters) were going to head to Columbus, Ohio to see a friend. (Also happened to be a guy both of us had dated a bit in high school.) But, we were out of high school for a few years and were all just friends. He was going to take us dancing at some cool clubs! We were pumped! We would have a pretty large town house to stay at because all of his college room-mates were away. (Except 2 of them ended up choosing to stay home for the long weekend after all.....and this would completely change my life.)
We arrive and instead of just meeting Jim, we also meet Mark and Shawn.We all hit it off. We had a blast! But, Mark and I had some very good conversation that would continue over the miles from Columbus to Cleveland for the next couple weeks which turned into months and .....
Well, that was Labor Day 1992. I had no idea how that one weekend could and would change my life! We were married in February 1995. We had a daughter in December 1995, another in May 1997, another in October 1998 and another in November of 2000. We moved 8 times since then- sometimes, just across town, sometimes to another state. We have met so many people. But, life had changed drastically after going to Columbus for a weekend of fun!
Next weekend, I will find myself where I am currently living with my family.Firestone, Colorado. In other moves we made as a family, following my husband on his career path, my life changed.... our lives changed....but not to the degree they are about to here, in this place.
We will be opening a non-profit business for teens in our three towns to come and hang out, get help with homework, attend fitness and wellness classes, do arts- fine and performing and serve in the community together. A place called THAT PLACE. www.thatplacecolorado.com
This is something that if you asked me 20 years ago, I would have had NO CLUE I would be doing. If you asked me just 2 years ago when we first moved here....well, that's when I began to feel the nudge to do this.... Would it have happened if I would not have met Mark (my husband)? Would it have happened if I didn't have my four girls? Would it have happened if I had moved someplace else?
All I know is the path that has led me (us) here, has led us to this point...to do what we are doing, where we are doing it. And it all started one weekend 20 years ago......
I am looking back and forward at the same time. Next weekend will mark one of the biggest weekends in my entire life as I reflect on the same weekend 20 years ago....
We arrive and instead of just meeting Jim, we also meet Mark and Shawn.We all hit it off. We had a blast! But, Mark and I had some very good conversation that would continue over the miles from Columbus to Cleveland for the next couple weeks which turned into months and .....
Well, that was Labor Day 1992. I had no idea how that one weekend could and would change my life! We were married in February 1995. We had a daughter in December 1995, another in May 1997, another in October 1998 and another in November of 2000. We moved 8 times since then- sometimes, just across town, sometimes to another state. We have met so many people. But, life had changed drastically after going to Columbus for a weekend of fun!
Next weekend, I will find myself where I am currently living with my family.Firestone, Colorado. In other moves we made as a family, following my husband on his career path, my life changed.... our lives changed....but not to the degree they are about to here, in this place.
This is something that if you asked me 20 years ago, I would have had NO CLUE I would be doing. If you asked me just 2 years ago when we first moved here....well, that's when I began to feel the nudge to do this.... Would it have happened if I would not have met Mark (my husband)? Would it have happened if I didn't have my four girls? Would it have happened if I had moved someplace else?
All I know is the path that has led me (us) here, has led us to this point...to do what we are doing, where we are doing it. And it all started one weekend 20 years ago......
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