Love Is Not Rude...

                                                                            

1. discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: a rude reply.


2. without culture, learning, or refinement: rude, illiterate peasants.

3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.

4. rough, harsh, or ungentle: rude hands
 
You know, it is pretty much impossible to convey love to another human being while being rude. In fact, I don't know if it is possible at all.
 
Frankly, I can be rude. I hate it when I am- but it seems to come out of me....rudeness....and I totally know it is not loving.
 
Rudeness comes out of me when someone I love is telling me about something going on in their life, and I rush them.
Rudeness comes out of me when I interrupt someone else while they are talking as if something I have to say may have more importance.
Rudeness comes out of me when I am not kind or gentle with the words I chose to speak or respond to another human being.
 
The saddest part of this when I really take a good look and am completely honest is that more often than not I am the most rude to the people closest to me. Rudeness comes out of me the most when I am around the people I love the most.
 
It happens like this- "Mommy, I want to tell you something...well, it happened like this....and then... but I.... well...." and I say- "Would you hurry up?"
 
Or it happens like this- Mark is telling me about his day and all of a sudden something makes me remember something similar I had gone through and I start telling him about that as if what he was sharing wasn't as important to me.
 
Sometimes it happens like this- "Why can't you people pick up after yourselves? It's like you are a bunch of pigs living in a pig stye..."
 
UGH! I get SO frustrated with myself when any of these things happen. I should have more control over my tongue. I used to have these scriptures hanging up as reminders....
 
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18
 
"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed my man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:5-10
 
I need help with this one....I cannot rely on my own power- it has to be God working through me. I ask for His help in this area of my life- and when I fall short, I ask forgiveness from Him and the one I have been rude to, as I seek to become less and less rude....

It Is Not Proud??

Proud defined-Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, possession, quality, or relationship by which one measures one's stature or self-worth: Feeling or showing justifiable self-respect.


Well, I have had a bum right thumb now for about 6 weeks. It was sprained while playing basketball. At first, the doctor thought I had torn ligaments...but now, he is saying that is most likely not the case- just badly strained, sprained, with possible little tears that need time to heal. Needing time to heal requires taking time to rest.
 
 

 
I am right-handed- you would be amazed at how many things a thumb is used for on a day-to-day basis. I know I took my right thumb for granted and never realized how important it was and how difficult it would be without it! Keeping it resting means keeping it in the splint made of fiber-glass and an ace wrap. It is rather big and bulky and cannot get wet. I am allowed to take it off to shower- but am supposed to leave it on, otherwise. So, cleaning up a messy kitchen...wiping down tables and counter tops that are full of crumbs are difficult. Washing dishes- that obviously should be done by someone else.... I have asked myself time and time again why it is that I have trouble asking for help from people when I need it. (Especially since I cannot stand a messy kitchen/dining area!)
 
One thing is certain. I feel like people know I have limitations right now. I guess I assume that if I knew someone had an injury, I would be doing whatever I could without being asked to help them out. Therefor, I feel like I am "putting them out" if I ask them to do for me, what I believe they should already know needs done. But, not everyone is a "do-er". Not everyone has the same way of thinking as me. I have to remember this- and in a sense, swallow my pride and ask for help- or let people know when I need help. I also realize that most people who know me well, know that I don't really usually need help. I am an introvert and I actually enjoy working on things alone. I like to think while I work and just kind of block everything else out.
 
I am also a "do-er", though. I do things. I rarely just sit around watching TV or reading. I am active. This has led me down a road with being prideful. I have often found myself judging who I am by what I have done. If I can achieve it, I can be....Measuring my self-worth by accomplishments. I have lived a great portion of my life this way. So much so, that I became extremely burnt out a few years back and I backed out of almost everything. I had been doing things- and I had been measuring my self- worth by what I had been doing. I had also looked to gain the approval of others by what I could DO.
 
During the time that I backed away, I came upon a scripture that really has changed my life. Micah 6:8- "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." It said nothing about what I could physically do. It was more about how I interacted with God and others...more about relationships...
 
This thumb injury has had me revisiting my prideful nature again. In a new way- not in the bigger areas, but in the day-to-day. The realizing that I need people. I need help. I cannot do it all or be it all. I have had to ask for help tying my shoes, putting on lotion, doing my hair, cleaning the kitchen, the house. I have been unable to shovel snow- (one of my favorite winter exercises) and I cannot open containers much of the time, even writing has been a messy chore. I have not been able to help others as much either.
 
I feel like this has been a lesson in admitting I cannot do it. I need another person to help me. I need God to give me more patience while I let my thumb heal. I am in need....and I don't really like being in need. This brings me to another realization again..."It is better to give than to receive." How true...it feels so much better for a prideful person to be doing the giving- offering the help- than it does to receive it. I am humbled as I receive help. I am realizing, yet again, that I do struggle with being proud and it is not loving to be prideful....
 
Even in writing this, if you will notice, it seems it was hard for me to just simply come right out and say that I struggle with this one! Again, proof of being prideful....not wanting to admit a weakness. I am weak!! I am weak!!! I AM WEAK!!! There, now that it's out in the open, maybe I can work on getting over feeling like I have to be so strong all the time!! :) One can only hope....

Adventure in the Snowy Rockies

My husband thought of a wonderful 16th Anniversary present for us this year. He planned and prepared for the whole thing! I was so proud of him! All I had to do, is literally, wake up and ride along! He took care of everything. Finding a place to rent a two-seater snowmobile, setting our alarm, buying and packing us supplies for the trip...everything you could think of involved in planning a trip. (I am usually the planner between the two of us- it was very nice to not have any responsibility and just sort of "go with it"!)

Anyway, we both love adventure. We headed out on the snowmobile and were anxious to find some fun- live in the edge! The trail was sort of boring in the beginning as we were in a speed restricted area- 25 mph- a road shared with cars, a small town, ho hum....

As soon as we got past that part, Mark saw a hill and some fresher snow....we took off! I was running the video camera for a while- until I almost flew off the seat a few times....then I put it away- just in time! We flipped on our side and I lay there laughing as I thought about how Mark assured me I couldn't get hurt on a snowmobile and this one happened to be laying on my leg at the moment! No harm, no foul. I wasn't hurt- neither was he. BUT, we did need to flip this thing back over as we could smell gas...not good!

So, we got her back up and running...how much did she way, anyway...I know it was around 200 pounds more than a one-seater! Still no idea...Mark said he was guessing about 1000 pounds! Man, we are strong! lol

So, we go for a little while longer- back on the trail....suddenly, I see him slowing down. I had been noticing that he kept looking off to the sides- as if his heart was calling him to more off- road adventure. (The kind he had as a kid riding in his hometown.) So, we head off the trail again to a spot with an excellent view of the Continental Divide. BEAUTIFUL! "Mark, stand up on it so I can get you in the picture!" I said. Lovely!  Then suddenly, we realize the snow here is like baby powder- light and fluffy, except the stuff trapped under the hundreds of pounds of snowmobile! WE WERE STUCK! and at least waist high in the fluffy white stuff! So, we begin to work as a team again and figure this out. Digging around, picking up and moving inch by inch as we try to gain some ground out of this mess and back onto the trail. We worked at it for a good hour. A a couple guys came down off the trail to try and help- but, no....this thing needed an expert!

So, we call for help. Guess what?? The people we rented from are technically closed for the day..."But for a large sum of money...and by the way...you should wait for an experienced driver to come by and help- or try to make a ramp by patting snow down in front and lift and push out while gunning it." To which I replied, "Yeah, thanks, you know we have already tried all of that for over an hour. That's cool- we will just call some other rental place that is open today and can help us!" WOW!

I am taking a break now that we have been told help is on the way- THANK YOU GRAND ADVENTURE! (Next time we go there to snowmobile or 4-wheel- that is where we will rent from!) I opened my lunch and enjoyed the sun and the beautiful view. Help arrived and we finished up by helping him build that ramp by trudging in the snow again and packing a ramp- then he hopped on the side, gunned it and slowly coasted back up the hill. We were relieved. He asked if we were OK- we said yes. We felt fine. Then, as I attempted to follow Mark back up, I kept sinking, fighting to stay above the snow...and I found myself walking on my knees soon with NO ENERGY left! What a weird feeling. I had never experienced this before.The guy came by and had me hop on his snowmobile. RELIEF!! I guzzled some Vitamin water and rested. I was thankful for heated bars to hold onto while riding as my gloves were now soaking wet!

I had mentioned to Mark as we attempted again and again to get unstuck, that if he went off the trail again, I would be going home...and so, for the rest of the trip, we stayed on the trail- but I did notice him looking to the sides and knew his heart was longing for more off-trail adventures....I was smiling inside knowing that he was loving me by staying on the safer side! And, the trail did prove to offer more adventure and fun- we had some spots where we were cruising right beside the drop off and had we slipped over just a bit, we would have been heading DOWN big time!

Parts of the trail were extremely windy- or had us going up hill at such a steep incline that it felt as though we were going to pop a wheely!

We left the trails about an hour early. We were exhausted! We were sore. It felt like our helmets weighed 10 pounds by now, and our snow suits around 30! It was a great day! A great adventure in the Rockies! I can honestly say, I appreciate God's creation of both, those amazing mountains, and my fabulous husband even more than I did the before!

16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

This post for my blog is coming with much thought. I know and love lots of people who have been divorced, are afraid of marriage, or are in rocky marriages right now. My husband and I have been together for just about 18.5 years and been married this Friday for 16.

Marriage is hard work. Relationships in general take work. Marriage…it involves constantly living together- constantly doing life together. We bring baggage- things that were a part of our lives before marriage into our marriage relationship. We bring our similarities, our differences, our belief systems, we add jobs, kids, friends, volunteer work, and other aspects of life and we put it all together into a pot. Things stir up and there are bound to be clashes and bumps along the way as we create this tasty dish!

I guess, as we celebrate our 16th year of marriage, what my husband and I have both learned…(yes, it took us long enough)…is that it is really about selfless giving.

For many men, it is the giving that the wife does for and to him both physically and verbally. For many women it is the giving that the husband does through things he does for and with his wife. It is not always this way…and for years for me it meant more to me to have my husband do things for me and with me and now I find hearing his encouraging and loving words just as meaningful, if not more at times.

I have learned that though I may be tired, or feeling like I need my space from the constant demands of having 4 children and other commitments outside the home, it is not a bad thing at all to meet the physical needs of my man. In fact, it ends up being good for both of us. Ladies, most times, in the act of surrendering yourself physically- you will find that you will feel most relaxed, loved, valued and even beautiful or sexy to a man you may once have felt was just one more person needing something from you!

Mark recently told me that he realized, finally- (his words- not mine) – that as he does the little things in life that he knows mean a lot to me, he notices that I find him funny, not annoying, and laugh and have more fun with him and am more than willing to meet his needs, wants and desires.

It is like a circle- as are the rings we exchanged- never ending….you cannot tell where one stops and the other starts as they seem to overlap. We have learned, each of us, that you cannot wait for the other person to do it….you do what you can, with what you have- whatever it is- that speaks love, appreciation, respect and admiration to your other half.

Beware- this takes honest and loving communication. You have to be ready to hear the hard things like…. I would really like it if you would …. Or would not…. It would mean a lot to me if… My feelings get hurt when…..And then you have to be ready to share from your heart as well. It is about spurring each other on to a better understanding. About sharing what makes you feel good, loved, respected, important, beautiful, sexy….your spouse cannot read your mind no matter how long you have been together! Then, you have to make the decision to pursue making things change. Not changing your spouse…but changing you- to make yourself a better partner.

No one is going to be perfect at this. But, when we realize that our part of our relationship is what we have control over, and both people care enough about each other to do whatever it takes to pursue what they can on their end…beautiful and amazing things can happen! Marriage really can be beautiful and fulfilling and amazing!



Love Does Not Boast



Boast-To glorify oneself in speech; talk in a self-admiring way.


Hmmm.... this one is hard. I mean, it's not something to be taken lightly. I am sure there are people who may think I am boasting when I post how much exercise I have done. I am sure there are some people who may think I am boasting when I post so many pictures, or things that I have going on in my life....but the truth is...to know whether or not a person is boasting is to know what the motivation behind what they are saying and doing is.

For me, most of the time, I am sharing to share. I adore the people in my life and I long to share my life with them and share in their lives! People and relationships are key to me. People are key. My heart aches with the person who is having trouble and my heart rejoices with the person who is experiencing happiness and joy!

I honestly do not think that highly of myself. I realize that if it were not for God in my life, I could be who knows where doing who knows what- and completely unhappy, unfulfilled...I share where I am in my life right now as a testimony that if I can do it...if I can be happy, if I can get fit, if I can rise above the crap that sometimes gets handed to us in this life- SO CAN YOU! So can ANYONE! And though I do not want to shove God down anyone's throat- because I do not believe He is that way...if you get to know me as I share my life, you will undoubtedly know that I credit Him with turning my life around.

If you knew me when I was much younger, you knew me as a girl without direction. A girl who longed to feel loved. A girl who tested and pushed the limits of everything and everyone. Including God. When my best friend was killed by a drunk driver while riding her bike, (she had asked me to be on that ride) I declined to get my chores done. I think I was 10... I literally got on my bike, closed my eyes and rode telling God that if He was really there, he would take care of me. Next thing I knew I was flying over my handle bars as I had run off the road and into some bushes. I clearly heard a voice say, "Do not test the Lord your God." I had tested Him. But, in my stupidity, (riding a bike on the road with closed eyes- hello?) He didn't allow much more to happen to me other than some scrapes and a little scare.

That wasn't where it ended, though. I took my life into my own hands time and time again through my teen years. I did one stupid thing after another. I made some bad choices and could have ended up in a very bad place. I could have been dead- or caused the death of another.

I know that I am rotten without the good, the love, the joy, the patience, the peace, the kindness and the love that God places inside me. I know that all of the anger issues I used to have - God has taken. (I used to punch holes in walls....now I cannot imagine doing that sort of thing.) I know the anxiety I used to feel- the feeling of not being good enough- or not feeling loveable- has changed.....

I have loved this verse- "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." I KNOW, KNOW, KNOW that anything good I can do is because of Him. I have made it through some really tough times, just because I knew He was with me and would get me through it.

I do kid around sometimes....like "Oh yeah....look at this-" and I do this as I am teasing someone. The reality is...I will ask my husband, "What can I do to be a better wife to you?" I ask my kids, "What can I do to be a better mom?"  I ask God, "Help me not to do this.... or help me to do this...show me how....teach me....lead me...." I acknowledge every day how far from perfect I am. And, it feels good to know that I don't have to be perfect! I can be loved and accepted for who I am- just the way I am as I continue to grow and learn on this journey called life.

It Does No Envy

IT DOES NOT


ENVY-
a. A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.


b. The object of such feeling
 
Great! Allow me to introduce another struggle I have! I am not the most content person. If you have ever heard of "Gallup" and their "Strengthsfinder" test, you should know that my number 2 is MAXIMIZER. I like to take good and make it better or even best! I see room for and ways to improve almost everything. This can be a good thing- making them call it a strength. It can also be a bad thing.
 
Sometimes, for me this can be as simple as always being drawn to what turns out to be the most expensive item in the store....(then I look at the pricetag and decide it isn't as incredible as I thought!) Sometimes, this can mean that I think a relationship I have needs to be better...and I have had to learn that this desire for improvement in my relationships is not something I can force. Sometimes, it means that I see an athlete and my desire is to help bump them up to the next level. This almost always means that I see the need for improvement in myself.
 
This used to be a bigger struggle for me in my younger years. Newly married - and deciding to have kids right away, pretty much right out of college, means that financially there will be a little struggle. We decided also that we wanted to have mom at home and even homeschool. I grew up feeling like I would do BIG things, make BIG money, maybe have a housekeeper, etc. I ended up being that housekeeper to bring in some extra cash for our one income family. I already mentioned, I have expensive taste- I didn't go shopping. I went to resale shops, or accepted hand-me-downs from people to clothe myself and my kids much of the time. We were not in a position to have the nicest, newest cars, the biggest, bestest house, go on really nice vactions....in fact, we took a few vacations by listening to time-share salespeople after they paid for a three day or so trip for us.
 
In the midst of that, though. I learned to be content. I learned over time, not to be envious of the people I knew who seemed to have it all. I learned that what mattered most to me was my family. I look back now and realize that I have a 15 year old who still cuddles up by me like my 10 year old. I realize how much a part of their lives I have gotten to be, and I know that for me- that is the REAL treasure. I will never look back and regret missing seeing them walk, tie their shoes, learn how to swim or skate, read or write....because I was there with them every time!
 
One saying I have said to my kids as they were growing over and over again was , "People are more important than things." In reality, I was telling myself that as much as I was telling them. Now, I truly believe it!
 
I am not perfect with this...sometimes, I still wish .... but more often than not, I am content with what we have, and what we do. I still have expensive taste....but I have learned to laugh at that, too. I will say- "Ohhhh, look....I bet I can pick the one that costs the most!" and when I flip over the price tag, we just smile... knowing that it isn't a need- and that all of our needs and most of our wants are always taken care of. Always have been. And life is good.