16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

16 Years of Marriage 18 Years of Life

This post for my blog is coming with much thought. I know and love lots of people who have been divorced, are afraid of marriage, or are in rocky marriages right now. My husband and I have been together for just about 18.5 years and been married this Friday for 16.

Marriage is hard work. Relationships in general take work. Marriage…it involves constantly living together- constantly doing life together. We bring baggage- things that were a part of our lives before marriage into our marriage relationship. We bring our similarities, our differences, our belief systems, we add jobs, kids, friends, volunteer work, and other aspects of life and we put it all together into a pot. Things stir up and there are bound to be clashes and bumps along the way as we create this tasty dish!

I guess, as we celebrate our 16th year of marriage, what my husband and I have both learned…(yes, it took us long enough)…is that it is really about selfless giving.

For many men, it is the giving that the wife does for and to him both physically and verbally. For many women it is the giving that the husband does through things he does for and with his wife. It is not always this way…and for years for me it meant more to me to have my husband do things for me and with me and now I find hearing his encouraging and loving words just as meaningful, if not more at times.

I have learned that though I may be tired, or feeling like I need my space from the constant demands of having 4 children and other commitments outside the home, it is not a bad thing at all to meet the physical needs of my man. In fact, it ends up being good for both of us. Ladies, most times, in the act of surrendering yourself physically- you will find that you will feel most relaxed, loved, valued and even beautiful or sexy to a man you may once have felt was just one more person needing something from you!

Mark recently told me that he realized, finally- (his words- not mine) – that as he does the little things in life that he knows mean a lot to me, he notices that I find him funny, not annoying, and laugh and have more fun with him and am more than willing to meet his needs, wants and desires.

It is like a circle- as are the rings we exchanged- never ending….you cannot tell where one stops and the other starts as they seem to overlap. We have learned, each of us, that you cannot wait for the other person to do it….you do what you can, with what you have- whatever it is- that speaks love, appreciation, respect and admiration to your other half.

Beware- this takes honest and loving communication. You have to be ready to hear the hard things like…. I would really like it if you would …. Or would not…. It would mean a lot to me if… My feelings get hurt when…..And then you have to be ready to share from your heart as well. It is about spurring each other on to a better understanding. About sharing what makes you feel good, loved, respected, important, beautiful, sexy….your spouse cannot read your mind no matter how long you have been together! Then, you have to make the decision to pursue making things change. Not changing your spouse…but changing you- to make yourself a better partner.

No one is going to be perfect at this. But, when we realize that our part of our relationship is what we have control over, and both people care enough about each other to do whatever it takes to pursue what they can on their end…beautiful and amazing things can happen! Marriage really can be beautiful and fulfilling and amazing!