Well, I have had a bum right thumb now for about 6 weeks. It was sprained while playing basketball. At first, the doctor thought I had torn ligaments...but now, he is saying that is most likely not the case- just badly strained, sprained, with possible little tears that need time to heal. Needing time to heal requires taking time to rest.
I am right-handed- you would be amazed at how many things a thumb is used for on a day-to-day basis. I know I took my right thumb for granted and never realized how important it was and how difficult it would be without it! Keeping it resting means keeping it in the splint made of fiber-glass and an ace wrap. It is rather big and bulky and cannot get wet. I am allowed to take it off to shower- but am supposed to leave it on, otherwise. So, cleaning up a messy kitchen...wiping down tables and counter tops that are full of crumbs are difficult. Washing dishes- that obviously should be done by someone else.... I have asked myself time and time again why it is that I have trouble asking for help from people when I need it. (Especially since I cannot stand a messy kitchen/dining area!)
One thing is certain. I feel like people know I have limitations right now. I guess I assume that if I knew someone had an injury, I would be doing whatever I could without being asked to help them out. Therefor, I feel like I am "putting them out" if I ask them to do for me, what I believe they should already know needs done. But, not everyone is a "do-er". Not everyone has the same way of thinking as me. I have to remember this- and in a sense, swallow my pride and ask for help- or let people know when I need help. I also realize that most people who know me well, know that I don't really usually need help. I am an introvert and I actually enjoy working on things alone. I like to think while I work and just kind of block everything else out.
I am also a "do-er", though. I do things. I rarely just sit around watching TV or reading. I am active. This has led me down a road with being prideful. I have often found myself judging who I am by what I have done. If I can achieve it, I can be....Measuring my self-worth by accomplishments. I have lived a great portion of my life this way. So much so, that I became extremely burnt out a few years back and I backed out of almost everything. I had been doing things- and I had been measuring my self- worth by what I had been doing. I had also looked to gain the approval of others by what I could DO.
During the time that I backed away, I came upon a scripture that really has changed my life. Micah 6:8- "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." It said nothing about what I could physically do. It was more about how I interacted with God and others...more about relationships...
This thumb injury has had me revisiting my prideful nature again. In a new way- not in the bigger areas, but in the day-to-day. The realizing that I need people. I need help. I cannot do it all or be it all. I have had to ask for help tying my shoes, putting on lotion, doing my hair, cleaning the kitchen, the house. I have been unable to shovel snow- (one of my favorite winter exercises) and I cannot open containers much of the time, even writing has been a messy chore. I have not been able to help others as much either.
I feel like this has been a lesson in admitting I cannot do it. I need another person to help me. I need God to give me more patience while I let my thumb heal. I am in need....and I don't really like being in need. This brings me to another realization again..."It is better to give than to receive." How true...it feels so much better for a prideful person to be doing the giving- offering the help- than it does to receive it. I am humbled as I receive help. I am realizing, yet again, that I do struggle with being proud and it is not loving to be prideful....
Even in writing this, if you will notice, it seems it was hard for me to just simply come right out and say that I struggle with this one! Again, proof of being prideful....not wanting to admit a weakness. I am weak!! I am weak!!! I AM WEAK!!! There, now that it's out in the open, maybe I can work on getting over feeling like I have to be so strong all the time!! :) One can only hope....
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