So Not a Superficial Girl!

I blog to work through things in my mind. I blog to get a message out. I blog as a way of venting. I blog to share sometimes in hopes that it helps someone else.....

Today I am working through things in my mind.

I have been on Facebook since 2009, I believe. I didn't really want to join, but I had some friends telling me I really needed for several months and so, I decided to at least give it a go! Fast forward about 3 years and some 1,300 friends later.....

Getting on Facebook was just starting to frustrate me. I mean, I could see into the lives of so many. I could look at endless pictures, read people's jokes, frustrations, accomplishments, let downs, see their foods and get hungry.... But in the midst of this, while I also tried to share my own, I felt a block. Something that just wasn't as satisfying and meaningful as the relationships I had with these people in the real world outside of Facebook.

Maybe it is because we are nearing the Holidays. Maybe it's because the novelty finally wore off for me..... Maybe it's because I am so relational.... but I am at a place where I just had more frustrations about Facebook than anything, really.

I only deactivated my account Monday. Today is Thursday. But, I have felt a peace I haven't felt in a long time. I have a world of people who's voices I can actually hear, and some of them, I can touch and sit with and talk to. I think I need this time to have relationships in "real time" right now. I need more than words, typed....still pictures to look at. 

My preference is old school. Getting together with actual people. Phone conversations and for those I am really close to and wish to see but can't- there are web-cams, Face Time and Skype and they are so much better than still pics!

Also, I am no longer waking up and wanting to check Facebook and see what I have missed. I am waking up and spending time with those I love. I also have more time than before. I am getting another work out in each day. I am taking an online class and going at a really good pace.

I am also not feeling as sad that I cannot be with the people I see and miss on Facebook because I am not getting the fact that we aren't together shoved in my face anymore on a daily basis.

So, for me, right now, this has been a good move. I do miss the ability I had to promote my fitness classes and keep people up to speed about a Missions Trip my daughters and I will be taking. I also miss putting pictures and info up for our High School basketball team.... but then I realize, I am giving others the ability to take a turn doing it!

It's funny, too. As many "friends" as I have on there, and as often as I would post, I have only had a handful ask where I am- why I am not posting..... just another thing pointing to the fact that Facebook is really superficial. Just another thing pointing to the fact that the REAL relationships I share with people are the ones that are much more than Facebook. The relationships with the people in my life who want to be there- who make an effort and who care how my life is and show interest through actual conversations are the ones I want to spend my time on and focus on.

I like to do more than skim the surface with people. I like to know and be known. To love and be loved. .....

So not a Superficial Girl!

WWJD-

It has been a crazy week. Emotional, exhausting, troubling, concerning.....long.....
Sunday afternoon, we found out via social media that a young man in the Junior Class at our high school had taken his life.
You feel helpless in situations like this as you read of the sadness, confusion, guilt, and sometimes feelings of hopelessness coming from your computer screen.... your heart aches as you can feel the pain from their posts....because you have experienced pain like that and understand on many levels how they feel and what they are going through.
In an attempt to reach out and let the hurting young people you know that someone is there and cares for them, you invite them to a church service you attend that happens every Sunday evening specifically for youth in high school. You let them know that if they feel like church is a place they want to go, it is open and you can offer them a ride.
Before you know it, people are posting that there is a service at your church - a Memorial Service for this young man who is no longer with us.
It's OK....you say to yourself. People will come and they will be right where they should be- with people who love God and love others. You try to remind them this is just a regular church service, but you know that the young man and this situation will be talked about as many people who go to this service knew him....and there will be prayer and hugs if wanted.....
WOW.
We prayed before we walked out into the room- we prayed for God to be there and to use us and speak words through us.
We walked into a room that soon held over 100 people easily....including the young man's family.
What happened was amazing- the plans for the regular service went out the window. People were told that they mattered. That their feelings - as many emotions as they had- were relevant and that sometimes life is hard and things don't make sense but, they were LOVED. They were loved by God and loved by the people present from our church.
We sang a couple songs... we gathered as much tissue as we could for all those tears..... we hugged so long and so hard that our arms and shoulders were actually sore..... we shed our own tears with them.
We were all reminded that this is what our Bible teaches us- we mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.
We got to hear from friends and family about their favorite memories and times with their loved one.
The principal and a football coach and two guidance counselors from the high school came. The principal and the coach shared from their hearts as they spoke to the students and the parents. The two guidance counselors spoke with individuals and gave out great big hugs......
This is so moving to me as I think this is exactly how Jesus would have done life with others..... he would have given up the "church plan" in a heart-beat for the people who were broken-hearted and hurting. He would have loved them right there and then and comforted them.
This is what Christians often profess to do- live life like Jesus..... in this particular case, I think they put those words into action- WWJD- DID IT!
I am so thankful to be a part of Rocky Mountain in Frederick Colorado. I am honored beyond measure that I get to serve in Thrive- our High School Ministry.

What The?

I am seeing so many posts from so many Christian friends I have this morning and even last night.... well, heck.... for weeks now.

Here is the thing, I get sick to my stomach sometimes reading the crap!

Judge-mental. Legalistic. Imposing.

No wonder people don't want to go to church. No wonder people don't like Christians.

As a Christian, you should know that God himself does not FORCE himself on people. He gives us FREEDOM. Love isn't really love if it is forced on someone. A choice isn't really a choice if it is forced on someone.

How about getting out of your church? Out of your home? Out of your little circle of friends? How 'bout going into the world and hanging out with people who don't think like you? Act like you? Believe like you?

Jesus and his disciples did that! They hung out with the people that the legalistic, judge-mental and imposing people said not to!

Here is the thing- man looks at the outward appearance of things- GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART.

Are you REALLY telling me you KNOW what is in the heart of another man or woman? What their motivation is? No, I don't think you can.

As a Christian our two greatest commandments are #1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind and soul. #2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

LOVE GOD/ LOVE PEOPLE.

"NO!"



I was always the "yes" girl. Someone would ask me to help with this, do that, etc, etc. I felt like if I COULD I SHOULD. In fact my life verse was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

HA! I got BURNT OUT! I mean, I was homeschooling, watching people's kids, working part time as a Childcare director, I was in choir, on Praise Team, leading a small group, working in children's ministry, teaching at co-op, coaching basketball.....I am sorry, I have to stop there, I am getting tired!! Phew!

I ended feeling used and abused and needed a LOT of time to regain my energy and stamina.
I stopped doing just about everything. I rested. I focused. I tried to understand how I got into that state and then tried to figure out how not to go back!

It wasn't until I found out my passion, that I realized how GOOD it was to say YES! It wasn't until I found my passion that I understood how easy it is to say NO!

 



You see, I now understand that we are all created with passions for a reason. Our passion is that thing(s) that gets our blood pumping and our motivation catches on fire and we actually just feel compelled and it feels good- not exhausting- and it is almost always on our mind and it is energizing!

If it isn't my passion- it must be someone else's. They will be energized by it and more focused. They will be able to take it to a much higher level than I will.

If it isn't my passion- I will get drained...It will feel like work and I will not be making it as good as it could be.

So, if it isn't my passion, I now can say "NO" with full confidence that it is a good thing. :)
How freeing!!

The Problem with Teens?

I live in a house of 4 teenage girls right now (along with one tween girl).



I have always loved teens and terrible two's...though I have often heard comments (some extremely negative) concerning both of these age groups. Both of these groups have always held my interest as they are such developmental times in life!



The thing about these times of life is that the young person is becoming their own person. They are defining themselves. Discovering their limits (sometimes they think limits don't apply to them), likes dislikes.... they begin to truly develop a sense of self.

Sometimes, as we grow as humans we make a hard swing to one end of the pendulum as we work our way into a balance...this is true of teens just as it is a human being of any other age.

Most people don't enjoy someone breathing down their neck saying "Do this , Don't do that." Or judging their every move. Why would this be any different for a teenager?

I am not perfect. But, I have teens. (No, they aren't perfect, either.) I was a teen and I work with and know a lot of teens. Let me just say this.... so many times, I hear people talking about all these problems with teens, when the fact of the matter is that there may not necessarily be such a problem with the teens as there may be with how their actions and behaviors are being handled by others.

My personal belief, is that as a parent or guardian, you think about the final outcome of the life you are raising, as you are raising it. When my little ones were infants, I was already thinking about them as teens and adults. I pictured a temper tantrum at 2 being acted out at 16. If I didn't learn how to handle it- and teach them at a young age what was acceptable behavior and what was not at a young age, I know it would be more difficult to address as they got older.

I had a playpen I called "baby-jail" when they were little. This way they could not follow me around screaming, etc. and I had a safe place to put them while they tried this. I also, when they got older would tell them they could go in their room and scream, hit their pillow, etc if they were angry- but it was not acceptable to scream at others or get physical. (This taught them that they were allowed to have emotion- but had limits on when where and how to show and handle those emotions.) They were always aloud to talk to me about their thoughts and feelings as long as it was done in a respectful and appropriate way.



I taught my kids that they always had a choice. Respond- don't React to people and situations. No one can MAKE you do or say anything. Again, keeping in mind while they were young if they thought someone could make them do something it would only be magnified as they got older.  (This is teaching them self-control and how to handle peer pressure.)

Each year, as they got older, I told myself that I was going to need to step back so they could grow. There were choices they needed to make and learn how to chose wisely...learn that sometimes, even if I would give them advice, that at times, them messing up was going to be the best way for the to learn. (This helped them learn how to make choices and decisions.)

Sometimes, teenagers, like any other human being can seem self-centered. The key here is remembering, this is not just a teen thing- but a human race thing. I think a wonderful way to combat this is to help give them opportunities to serve others. You would be amazed by how this even helps adults realize the world isn't all about them as well and how good it feels to focus on someone other than yourself. Try serving WITH teens- you can learn together!

Sometimes teens are "Know-It-Alls". But we can all be that way, too. I realize that teens have the ability to be very smart and also very stubborn- don't we all?? I do joke with my teens when they act this way and call them "KIA".  It's become my non-threatening sort of joking way of reminding them that I am much older and have been through a lot more- but I will let them make their decision and see where the cards lay after I give my input and they do what they know is best. Sometimes, it's just how we end a debate. I will simply say, "OK KIA, I am done arguing." (It is OK to agree to disagree!!)

In short, Speaking of that "balance continuum" I know teens with absolutely no limits with parents who simply don't seem to care and I know teens who have parents who are SO in control of their teens' lives you would think they were still toddlers. Both groups have many issues. The ones who feel their parents don't care try desperately to get attention from their parents and others- in both good and bad ways, at times. The ones whose parents are ultra-strict, tend to sneak and try to become who they are without their parents finding out. There needs to be a balance in between the two. This way, the teens you love know you love them and will talk to you and keep you informed and might actually even care about your opinions and feelings! THIS is a "relationship".Two people caring about and thinking about the other and considering decisions based on impact they have on all.....there is a sense of being connected and sharing life.

My theory, is that there isn't really a problem with teens as much as there is a problem with others forgetting that they are people just like every other human being and that soon- very soon- they will be unsupervised all the time and in charge of their own life.

What we should be doing at this stage of the game, is guiding them. Letting them become more and more independent and telling ourselves all the while that in 1,2,3,4 and even 5 years, we will not be there. What can we do now to help ensure they will be fully functional, thriving adults without us?



Remembering....

11 years ago today, I was at home with my 4 daughters (who were then 10 months, 2, 4 and 5 years old) when I received a phone call from my dear friend, Emanda, asking if I saw the plane crash into a NY city building on TV. I had not. I was busy getting my girls ready to go see my grandmother and stay with her for a while that day- to keep her company and look after her.
I turned on the radio when we were in the car. I heard about it on the news and when I got to my aunt's house to be with Grandma, she had it all on TV. It sort of seems like a blurr. It sort of seems like a nightmare.
I remember seeing the video repeatedly. Smoke pouring from the buildings, bodies falling out of the highest heights- it looked unreal. I couldn't take it anymore after a while. I had checked on friends we had in the city and friends we had who might have been at the Pentagon that day.... I felt sick. My world seemed to be shaken. I never really realized the full capacity of evil people had in them until then, I imagine.....
I stayed away from the TV, the radio, everything media related. I didn't think I could feel any worse. I had no idea tears could keep being produced that long. I realized, I didn't even lose a loved one in the incidents...I felt absolute agaony over those many, many people who did.
Then, something amazing came out of the tragedy. People were being recognized as heros. People were actually looking into the eyes of their fellow Americans and CARING. A shift happened in our nation that terrible day. It drew us all together in a way that I had not remembered in my life time. I heard people say it wouldn't last long.... but to me, it seemed to last for quite a while.
I find it interesting how bad draws out good. How loss makes us appreciate more life and gain.
I think it is right on this day, 11 years later, to remember how we pull together. How we have many many heros in our midst even still today. People in the armed forces, people who fight fires, police, rescue workers... and even just the regular average Joes who are walking around with us.
When it comes down to it,we have a bond and it's greater than being a Nation- it is that we are HUMAN. We are all in this life together. We need eachother.
I hope in remembering the events that happened 11 years ago today, we remember how important that it is not to lose sight of our call as human beings to be there for one another. You just might be someone's hero without even knowing....



Peace!

It all started probably from the moment I was born. I am a tester, a limit pusher by nature.

I heard that when I was 2, I left my tricycle in the drive (after being told not to) and my answer for doing so was, "I can't help it. It ran out of gas." Yeah right.

I was almost 11 when my best friend got hit by a drunk driver while riding her bike and I was supposed to be with her but stayed back to get my chores done. She was killed and I decided to test God. I told him I was going to ride my bike down a road with my eyese closed and it he was really there, he would protect me. (I know you are shaking your head right now and thinking, "STUPID!") I ended up diving head first into a bush and flew over the handle bars, landing flat on my back with the wind knocked out of me- but other than that, I was unharmed.

This has been the story of my life. I think I know what's good, what's bad. I think I can predict the future sometimes....mostly because I always thought I could make things happen- or make them not happen.

This began changing for me about a year and a half ago. I went to the doctor and during the exam, they told me I needed another more specific exam with a biopsy as they thought I may have cancer. I kept myself together while in the office. I made it out to my car and curled up in a ball and bawled like a baby.

But, something changed in that moment. I gave up. I declared that I trusted God. No matter what. It was all in His hands and I would love Him either way. I didn't need all the control anymore. I didn't need to test and push. I just needed to be.

In the end, I didn't have cancer. People prayed over me and exactly what they prayed for happened that day in the doctor's office. He examined me and said he didn't see anything or feel aything they said they did in the original exam. He said he would do the biopsy anyway, but he didn't think there was really a good reason to. :) My eyes filled with tears as I laid on that examination table and I knew it was a miracle. I knew I was already being shown that resting was the best thing.

Now, it didn't end there. I still have issues and times of struggle- there are things and situations I have thought briefly would be better if I controlled them. Then I remember, I don't need to be in control. I don't need to make it all happen or force it not to. In fact things are better when they work themselves out and I just relax and have faith that they will.

I have looked back at the past and I have realized that there have been things I struggled trying with all my might to force- and they didn't happen- and in the end, that ended up being for good reason. There are things that DID happen and I didn't want them to, but in the end it was for good reason.

Today, I can honestly say, I have a peace unlike any I have ever had. I know that I don't have to constantly be in battle mode. I can RELAX. Things will happen as they are supposed to if I do my part and then believe for the rest. It feels good! No pressure. It isn't all up to me anymore. PEACE!

This is my stance..... I feel free at last!

One Decision.....Changes Everything.....

It's funny how things happen in life. You make one decision and it impacts so much and you don't even know  how much your life or the lives of those around you will change because of that one choice.

I am looking back and forward at the same time. Next weekend will mark one of the biggest weekends in my entire life as I reflect on the same weekend 20 years ago....

My cousin and I (who were more like sisters) were going to head to Columbus, Ohio to see a friend. (Also happened to be a guy both of us had dated a bit in high school.) But, we were out of high school for a few years and were all just friends. He was going to take us dancing at some cool clubs! We were pumped! We would have a pretty large town house to stay at because all of his college room-mates were away. (Except 2 of them ended up choosing to stay home for the long weekend after all.....and this would completely change my life.)

We arrive and instead of just meeting Jim, we also meet Mark and Shawn.We all hit it off. We had a blast! But, Mark and I had some very good conversation that would continue over the miles from Columbus to Cleveland for the next couple weeks which turned into months and .....

Well, that was Labor Day 1992. I had no idea how that one weekend could and would change my life! We were married in February 1995. We had a daughter in December 1995, another in May 1997, another in October 1998 and another in November of 2000. We moved 8 times since then- sometimes, just across town, sometimes to another state. We have met so many people. But, life had changed drastically after going to Columbus for a weekend of fun!

Next weekend, I will find myself where I am currently living with my family.Firestone, Colorado. In other moves we made as a family, following my husband on his career path, my life changed.... our lives changed....but not to the degree they are about to here, in this place.

We will be opening a non-profit business for teens in our three towns to come and hang out, get help with homework, attend fitness and wellness classes, do arts- fine and performing and serve in the community together. A place called THAT PLACE. www.thatplacecolorado.com

This is something that if you asked me 20 years ago, I would have had NO CLUE I would be doing. If you asked me just 2 years ago when we first moved here....well, that's when I began to feel the nudge to do this.... Would it have happened if I would not have met Mark (my husband)? Would it have happened if I didn't have my four girls? Would it have happened if I had moved someplace else?

All I know is the path that has led me (us) here, has led us to this point...to do what we are doing, where we are doing it. And it all started one weekend 20 years ago......

It's Up to You!

It is one week and one day away.
Basically, in 8 days, we will celebrate the opening of what was just a vision or a dream a short year ago.

Hours and hours of work have been put in. Writing thoughts about that vision on paper. Meeting with all sorts of various people who MAY or MAY NOT be able to help make the vision a reality in some way... big or small. Doing presentations, holding meetings.....forging ahead. Sometimes it was very easy. Sometimes, not so much!

Throughout the whole process there were different types of people involved.
Some were so supportive, caught the vision and wanted to help.
Some did that for a while, and then for some reason, they were pulled away- a move, a job, a life-change.
Some said they were supportive, but then didn't really jump in to DO anything.
Some heard the vision, liked it, weren't in a position to be involved themselves, but knew someone else who could....
Some heard the vision- but saw it in a little different way and offered suggestions on how to make the vision a little different.... just in case, or for whatever reason.
Some were quite cautious. They seemed to throw warnings out to me all the time.
No matter what kind of person I met along the way, I had to be cautious.

I couldn't let their feelings, thoughts, concerns, desire or lack of desire take me off course or distract me from what I KNEW would eventually work.

Those who wanted to help, I of course welcomed!
Those who could help for a time and then moved on, I focused on the fact that they believed in it and helped when they could. I could not focus on the fact that they had to move on.
Those who said they supported it, but then did nothing- Well, I am kind of an actions are stronger than words person. So, I didn't put much into that. But, I thought occasionally to myself that perhaps they were the kind who would actually have to SEE it to believe.....
Those who were supportive- but couldn't be involved and still pointed me to another- I saw them as truthful and appreciate so much all of the people I got to connect with because of them.
Those who had a different vision, I would listen to, but had to be careful that I didn't jump on someone else's dream. I knew the one I had, was the one meant for me....and at the same time- we are all creative, so I needed to listen to be sure there wasn't something missing that they would offer that might help or improve the vision I had.
Those who were cautious and constantly throwing warnings and concerns up. I had to really be guarded. I could not allow myself to be discouraged. There was too much work already put in and too much ahead. At times, I felt like I was calloused in response to them and at times I felt like a horse with blinders on- but that's just how it had to be so I would not lose heart. So, I could press on.

I share all of this simply to tell anyone trying to follow a dream. Trying to make a difference. You WILL run across all types of people. There WILL be obstacles. If you believe in what you are doing. If you KNOW that this is what you are supposed to do, YOU have to determine HOW you look at things and people and opinions. You can let them destroy your dream, change your dream, or help your dream. So, really, it's up to you!

THIEVES!!!!

Thieves- they are everywhere!

They try to take away your purpose, your passion, your love, your enthusiasm, your focus.

They look like fun, sometimes. They feel good- at least for a while.  

Occasionally, they look more important.

Sometimes the thieves come in and cause pain or fear and immobilize.

The only way to stop them?

FOCUS!

On truth, on love, on loyalty, on the goal, the passion, the purpose that is before you.

What makes you tick?

What moves you?

DON'T let anyone or anything take it from you. IT IS YOURS.

You have been designed with purpose. Multiple purposes.

If you accept the challenge of those purposes, expect the thieves.

DON'T focus on them- keep your eyes on the prize!

Controversy

The Chick-Fil-A thing....

I am not a huge fan of Chick-Fil-A. I have eaten there a few times and was never all that impressed. Give me the classic chicken at BK with cheese and tomato or some KFC or Popeyes and I am GOOD!

I don't like to watch the news, because frankly, it is usually depressing and I prefer to focus on positive.

This Chick-Fil-A thing, though, it's been all the rage. Lots of my FB friends have been asking lots of questions and most of them have been directed toward Christians.

I am a Christian- and an imperfect one at that! (Actually, there is NO perfect Christians- but there are some who pretend to be.)

I believe the Bible is God's blueprint for our lives. Within it, there is much information about life and how to get through it in the best way possible.

There are sins listed in the Bible. PLENTY of them. Each comes with a consequence. (I believe there is a consequence for EVERY action. Positive begets good and negative begets negative.) As a Christian, the biggest consequence from sin is separation from God. The biggest thing about sin is that ALL sin and fall short. This is where Jesus comes in- the perfect lamb, sacrificed for all and for all time. (This kind of gets in to another story, so I will just leave it at that for now.)

So, sin. Yes, Christians believe homosexuality is a sin. So is gluttony, slothfulness, pride, greed, adultery, idolatry, fornication, jealousy, lust....

The Bible says in Galatians that :

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
Hmmm.... so I doubt seriously that anyone breathing today can honestly say that they NEVER over-eat, or get lazy, or are prideful, or greedy, that they never worship or put anything before God, are completely pure, never hostile, jealous, never have an angry outburst, or get selfish or jealous.... some people may only have one hang up- but it is still a hang up.  I have plenty.

So, here is the thing. I know I am a sinner. I know that the Bible also teaches us that "He who is without sin cast the first stone." I cannot cast a stone.

We are all on a journey. Each with our own struggle, path, story.

Judge not, lest you be judged.

I have friends who are gay. I love them. I do not judge them. I have NO RIGHT to force my way of thinking on anyone. For heaven's sake! God doesn't FORCE Himself on anyone. Instead, we have choices and freedom. I can share my thoughts and my beliefs with others as I have that freedom. You can share yours.

This whole controversy is sad. Sad that a person states their opinion and imediately there is division. (hey, that's one of them listed up there!) People feel they have to "side" with someone. I didn't go picket them,  because we have something called "freedom of speech" in our country. And yes, picketing is a peaceful protest which we are also allowed to do- but I am not going to protest against a freedom. Enough of those are already being taken from us.

The good part of this whole thing is that it has caused conversation. Some people are actually taking the time to talk to people they know who are gay and learn about it. Some people who are gay are talking to Christians to learn why they call it a "Sin".

Whatever, the case.... we are called to LOVE people. Not certain people. Not people who do this or don't do that. We are called to LOVE everyone. I am trying. Are you?

Incredible High!

I had been going through some rocky times lately.

Wondering about this world. The people in it. The crazy things that happen here.

In the midst of this, I was offered the opportunity to hike up into the Rockies - to the summit of the tallest peak in the Rockies- Mount Elbert.

The journey was beautiful. It was difficult. There were twists and turns and ups and downs and sometimes it felt really hard to breathe and sometimes the wind was blowing in a way that helped to push me forward and sometimes it was pushing against me, adding to the resistance that was sometimes compounded by the burning sensation in the muscles of my body.

However, each moment through the journey, I was compelled as I thought about the love of God. How creative He is. How it was nothing short of amazing that I could be on this incredible journey and was able to press on toward the goal.

As I took in all he beauty that surrounded me, I felt so much love. Cute little animals, pretty flowers or were they weeds?- it doesn't matter- they were pretty. All kids of rocks and wonderfully puffy, white clouds and all shades of browns, blues, grays, greens and the sound of rushing water and the sight of still waters. Encounters of friendly people- each one with their own reason for being up there- but sharing the common goal of reaching the summit. I had a long-time friend with me. And even though we were in nature and enjoying all that it had to offer- I was thankful still for technology as we probably would not be making this journey together had it not been for the technology we shared. It was technology that allowed us to capture in both video and still picture, the incredibly beauty of the breath-taking (literally) journey that we were on. So, yeah. I felt love. Like every little detail was taken care of. Everything had been worked out. And everything was amazing.

It was challenging. Especially looking up at a false summit and seeing how steep a journey it would be and choosing to take that challenge knowing that once we made it there, we would have another steep journey ahead- one we just could not yet see. But isn't that just like life? Sometimes we are faced with a challenge and once we overcome that challenge, there before us sits the next one.

                                   

We press on. We continue the climb. We feel the burn. We get breathless. We work.

                                            

The last 20 minutes were incredible and this last part of the journey is what made it all so worthwhile for me. The last 20 minutes, when you look back and can see how far you have come and look ahead knowing that you don't really feel like taking those little baby steps all the way up to that next level.... but that IS why you started this whole journey in the first place....so you determine to finish!

This was the place where people were coming down the hill you were heading up and they were smiling at you and saying, "You can do it!" "Only about 20 more minutes." They are almost glowing and so genuine in their enthusiasm and so positive in their encouragement... and you know you CAN do it!

OH MY GOSH!!!!  We reached our goal. We got to the summit of Mount Elbert and if I thought anything was beautiful on the journey up, it cannot compare to the amazing beauty my eyes beheld from up above it all!!

The majesty! So close to the clouds and still on the ground. Looking out to what seemed like as far as the eye could possibly see.....looking down at what seemed to be so far away and yet was a journey we just made! I thought to myself- this is How Wide, How High, How Deep the love of God is for me. As amazing and wonderful He is- He created all of this...... and He created me. He has a purpose and a plan and He is SOOOOO much more than good and I can TRUST Him!

It was an INCREDIBLE HIGH being up there. My mind cannot escape it still, two days later. I close my eyes and I see it and I feel it and I breathe it in! I am thankful. I am thankful I could make the journey. Thankful FOR the journey. Thankful for reaching the destination and now thankful that it will forever be in my mind.

This Great Nation

Today I read a post that has helped me work through my many emotions.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/ilike9news/posts/10151065482181077

This post helped to remind me, as have many of the stories of the people at the movie theater in Aurora, that our great nation truly is made up of heros.

Heros are those who LOVE others and are willing to lay down their own lives because of that love.

Our country was formed by these heros and our fabric is still woven with them.

People who knew the importance of LIFE, LIBERTY and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. That ALL MEN  are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.....

Our nation will not sit back and let any sort of attack on our rights cause us to back into a fearful corner.

Our nation will thrive and continue to reach out to eachother with LOVE. We will continue to fight terrorism with strength, courage and love and with our RIGHTS of LIFE, LIBERTY and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

We will protect eachother, fight for eachother and our freedoms so that this great nation will continue to be the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

Judge Not

This "Movie Theater Massacre" as they are calling it, has caused a great deal of discussion in our home with our four children ages 11, 13, 15 and 16.
The big debate has been mainly over two areas... and one of them has not been a debate as much as it seemed to "shock" a couple of kiddos.
Debate is mostly over sentencing of the man who comitted this heinous crime. Death penalty. Life in prison. The big question is, "How can we decide to take a life? It is not for us to judge."
This is how I always felt. I feel differently this time around, though.
I'm tired. I am tired of people doing this.

I told my daughter who seems to be the most against the death penalty that I have always felt like her about it until recently. I DO know where she is coming from.
However, I now am beginning to look at situations like this and say, "When there are two kids who are planning on egging someone's house, and one kid knows they will be getting a pretty severe spanking after and the other knows their parent will just yell, "I can't believe you did that! I told you not to!" Chances are, the one who MAY NOT do it will be the one who knows they will get spanked.
Are we doing the same thing with these people who decide to go in and randomly shoot innocent people? Are we, as the authority, making it easy for them to decide that it is ok because they know they will get life in prison instead of death?
I don't know.
Revenge is mine, says the Lord..... By sentencing someone to any degree we are determining punishment. Without punishment and consequence, there would be chaos.
I DO know that it is not for me to judge where the person will spend eternity! I explained to my daughter that I believe this man could have a come to Jesus moment, repent and be forgiven and go to heaven for eternity. I explained that I am praying for everyone involved in this- everyone from victims and their families to authorities to the rest of us and even the murderer. I said, "Everyone needs to know God; he is no exception."
The same daughter who was concerned about me judging was surprised that this man may end up in heaven. She wondered why she tries to behave and be good if people can do things like this and still go. My answer- that is the mystery of God's love. He is so merciful and extends grace to us all.
Only He knows what is in our heart and what really motivates us. He knows when we truly are sorry for something and when we are faking it. He knows if we truly love Him, or we don't. But, we are all created by Him and He loves us and wants so much for us to love Him and to love others. But, He won't force himself on anyone. (If he had to, it wouldn't be sincere, anyway...)
Still, I ponder this whole death penalty way of thinking I currently have. It is new for me.......

What is Going On?- Where is my Bubble?

I am struggling right now.
I write as a way to help me get everything out. To clear my head. Therapy, I guess.
So, today I need to write.
Last Friday morning, I woke up to text and fb messages from friends and family from miles away asking if my family and I were OK. If we happened to be at the Movie Theater in Aurora the night before. I was groggy, barely able to completely open my eyes and I was completely unaware of why anyone would be asking me any of those questions so early in the morning.
I found out as I turned on the news and logged onto my computer.
I was in quite possibly the worst mood of my life that day- Friday, July 20, 2012.
EVERYTHING made me mad. Things that normally wouldn't matter became a big deal and it seemed like I found it almost impossible to look at anything or anyone in a positive light.
Today is Sunday (three days later) and I find myself still struggling.
SHIFT-
I have always heard things like, "Callico, you live in a bubble." "You are one of the most positive people I know." "You are one of the most non-judging people I have ever met." "You are naive and too trusting."

SHIFT-
I want to buy a gun for the first time in my life. I AM SOOOO ANGRY THAT PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN JUST GO AROUND AND HURT AND KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE. I want to stop them. I want to protect those I love and those who are not prepared to protect themselves.
SHIFT
I am reminded of the shooting at Chardon High School about 5 months ago. I remember thinking then, "How can our kids go to school and learn and be kids when this kind of crap happens?" I remember praying. A lot. For my friends, for their kids who were at the school that day. For the people who were left behind when those kids lost their lives.
I remember even at that point, though, having some compassion in me.
I remember feeling bad for the kid who did it.
Right now, I don't have that compassion for the shooter.

I liked the bubble I have always lived in and I am HIGHLY UPSET that someone seems to have popped it or at least put a gigantic hole in it! I AM PISSED!! I am also a little worried. What has happened to me?

Climb Every Mountain!

                                                                   
Sing it with me... The Sound of Music's - "Climb Every Mountain, Ford every stream, Follow every rainbow, 'till you find your dream..."

I love a good challenge! It's who I am. I'm the girl who can't help but run faster when someone on the treadmill next to me is "beating me", even if I said I was going to take it easy in my work out for the day.

I'm the girl who doesn't believe in the word "can't".

I know where there is a will there is a way. I know there is always room for improvement. I know it feels great to check something off the list and say, "I did it!"

I also realize there are some mountains you simply choose NOT to climb. Pick your battles, so to speak. Decide which mountain you are gonna die on. Let's face it, some things just aren't worth the battle!

I have come across a couple things in my life that I have had to let go of as a result of this. There are a couple things in my life that I have decided are worth the effort and fight, as well.

Sometimes, it isn't just a thing. Sometimes it's a person- a relationship. Fight or flight?

THIS, however, coming up in a short 13 days, will mark the FIRST ACTUAL MOUNTAIN I will climb!! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this!! A long-time friend facebooked me to say he and his family are coming to Colorado and want to spend some time, hang out - enjoy the great outdoors. That, in and of itself was good to hear. A couple days ago, though, he shared a goal of hiking up PIKES PEAK, and he asked if I would like to join him!

This is no small feat! http://www.trailsandopenspaces.org/hiking-pikes-peak.html
People can die or get lost up there!! We will journey over 12 miles and reach an elevation of 14,115 feet! We will journey up the Barr Trail....

                                                              

However, this "hiking" in the mountains is something I LOVE. My friend is an ex-Army man and so he has some experience that I know will make us more safe! I am in descent shape and live at about 5,000 feet above sea level, and will continue to train until we make the treck on Friday the 27th of July.

What stirs inside me is the climb- I know it won't be easy. It will challenge me physically and mentally. But, when we make it to the top, what a glorious feeling!!! CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.... 'TILL YOU FIND YOUR DREAM!

JUST BELIEVING- BLOWS MY MIND!!!

One Crazy Ride!

It started a year and a half ago.... I felt troubled that our youth was left walking around town, hanging out behind buildings and on street corners. I kept having this tug inside that announced I felt they should have a PLACE to be... a place to hang out..... a place to know their community cared about them and wanted them to feel a part of itself.

This feeling, this tug, would not leave. In fact, quite the opposite- it got bigger and happened more often. One day, it became overwhelmingly clear that I was to do something about it. Not someone else. Me.

HOW?

No idea. No experience. No resources......

Then, slowly, people with experience and knowledge and resources began creeping into my mind. I began sharing my dream.... or vision. People loved the idea. People agreed that it was needed. People wanted to help.

Step by step- this journey has had me stepping outside my comfort zone- WAY outside my comfort zone! Getting on the phone and scheduling meetings. Meetings with Mayors, Police Chiefs, Rotary Members, School Board Officials, Town Board Members, Business Owners.... Standing up and speaking with a slide presentation to groups  (I feel much more comfortable when I can sit down to do that, I have found!) Seriously, this comes from the girl who would normally have to be thrown into those situations and then be completely nausiated just thinking about them actually happening!

All the time, I have had faith that THIS WILL WORK. THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I don't know how....but I know it will. And every meeting, at every turn, I had some incredible sense of peace.

I am a Christian. But, what I am starting is not a religious organization. It is an organization that wants to meet teenagers where ever they are and help them transition into adulthood however we can.

Because, I am a Christian, and I believe God is totally into children... I believe He has made a way. I believe He has paved a path. TODAY, I received the biggest confirmation on that so far along this journey.

Today, I found out that as of April 12, 2012, the IRS approved the packet I mailed to them!

See that?? That was the day I took the packet to the Frederick Post Office and mailed it to the IRS! So, exactly one month from the date of my sending it- THEY APPROVED IT!!! Coinsidence? I think not! I think for something like this to happen, there had to be some divine intervention! Even the lady, Mrs. Black, from the IRS who told me when it was approved said, "That is so unsual- turn around in a month never happens!"

That is my God. He can do anything!! I am not an attourney, I have never filled out that much paperwork in my life! I have never written a business plan before. Everything that has happened has happened quite honestly by praying, talking to people, following advice given to me by people who have much more wisdom than me when it comes to all of this. All I have been is willing to do whatever needs done along the way... and not hesitating. Not procrastiinating. Not doubting.

JUST BELIEVING!

Time Keeps on Slippin, Slippin, Slippin

I remember as a young mom, all the countless people who would see me with 4 little ones 5 and under and say, "Wow! You've got your hands full!" (I would shake my head yes and then think to myself- "But, I WANTED them close; I want them to BE close." Then they would usually say,"Enjoy this time! It goes by so fast!"

And I would think to myself, "I wish it WOULD go by fast!"

I was never a huge baby person. I mean, don't get me wrong- I wanted all four of mine- and have always really wanted SIX- but all that is because I knew they would only really be babies technically for about a year and then they would be on their way to Toddlerhood! :)

As I sit here, I now have a 16.5, almost 15, 13.5 and 11.5 year old!! I say to myself every day, "TIME WENT BY SOOOO FAST!" And I find myself humming Steve Miller Band's song, "Time keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin into the future...."

I think to myself, I have 2 more school years with my oldest and then she is off to college- according to her- out of state. I have 3 more with my second, and then she will be off also....and I sometimes wonder if I HAVE made the most of all the time I have been given with them.I sometimes try to queeze in more cuddle times and one-on-one time because I know that soon, I won't have that opportunity nearly as much as I do right now...and right now there's slim pickings!!!

I mean, 3 teenagers- ACTIVE teenagers! And one tween- ACTIVE tween! We are beyond busy so much of the time.

Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed - I have the HUGE Mom Calendar on my wall in the kitchen that anyone who comes over looks at and usually feels overwhelmed just in looking....but my goals have always been to teach my girls all I could about God and his love for them and for all people. To teach them to trust and follow him. To love and have compassion for eachother and for others. To follow their dreams and to be all they were meant to be.

I have poured myself out over the years into doing those things and at times, it has been exhausting. At times, it has been frustrating. At times, hard. But ALWAYS it has been THE MOST REWARDING and MEANINGFUL thing I have EVER been involved in.

I am blessed beyond measure!!! My plan from here out is to ENJOY THE TIME because I realize more and more every day HOW FAST it goes by!

The FAITH GATE opens a little more.....

Yesterday, I had the privledge of attending a local community meeting. The group is called Carbon Valley Network- and that is exactly what it is. A group of local people coming together to help eachother with community needs.

At the end of the meeting, I was able to introduce myself and THAT PLACE. (Pretty funny because I had to come right from my morning Zumba class- so my outfit was .... well, a little colorful and sweaty!)

The response I got from the people there was overwhelming! So much so, that I had to sit in my suburban until I could stop shedding tears of joy before I went in to do some grocery shopping after!

A lady from the St. Vrain Valley Education Foundation wanted me to send her an email with as much information as possible as she would be meeting with the school superintendent and wanted to share with him! (YES! I have been trying to get a meeting scheduled with him and our local school board representative!)

A person from the Weld County Food Bank came up and said they would like to provide snacks to the teens after school at THAT PLACE!! (Bonus for us, as I told her we also planning on serving in the community and would love to serve at the food bank!)

A man from the United Way came up and told me that if we have our building by the time Day Of Caring comes in May, United Way can help us with volunteers to help get it cleaned up and ready!

A man from Leadership St. Vrain said he would like me to come and present to them at their next meeting! (From what I understand this group is made up of people from the entire school district- talk about some networking!)

The librarian present said she wanted me to meet their Teen Librarian and that he would have many things we could use like a flat screen TV.....? (Huh? I didn't see that coming!! COOL!)

So, as I sit here and try to patiently wait to see where THAT PLACE will actually BE.....I am overwhelmed by the interest in it from our community already! I cannot wait to see our facility and all the people who come to be a part of it!! I stand at the FAITH GATE!

The FAITH GATE

So, I am on the journey, as I have talked about before.... starting a non-profit business for teens in my area.

The nudge to do it happened over a year ago...I began investigating- could I do it? Where? How? I have always been in positions of service for work- home health aid, residential worker for people will disabilities, nanny, day care provider.... I guess I had some experience managing as a Child Care Director over the years...I manage my home (homeschooled all four of my girls)....but to actually START a business???? WHAT?!





I just had this feeling deep down inside...you know, it is like everything REALLY lined up for the first time in my life. I used to feel like there was something out there I was supposed to do...but I didn't know what. I did a lot of things and I ended up being burnt out. In college, I majored in Social Work- I have always had a heart for helping others... but being an actual "Social Worker" was not something I pursued.

I have a passion for kids- mostly older kids- TEENS. I love sports and fitness- love teaching them, playing them, watching them. I have coached basketball for 11 years-from upward to rec to travel and high school- it is so fun at every age and stage! I had a rough time in my teenage years- made some bad choices, had some bad things happen... and one thing I am very passionate about is trying to help teens know they are cared about- know they have options- know they can pursue their dreams and be successful. I love art! I copy other artists work a lot and from time to time create my own piece....Performing isn't my favorite thing, but I have directed children's musicals and I simply LOVE watching plays and musicals!!

Mentoring? Why yes, I had been a Sunday school teacher- helped write Sunday School Curriculum and have a been a HS small group leader the past couple years. I love getting with kids and talking to them about life- offering guidance- and support. Tutoring? Yes, I have been homeschooling for 13 years....And, I am able to help my two now highschoolers out when they need it- which isn't often. :)

So, all of these things have lined up. The things I love and care about most in the world....And even though I have no real business experience- I knew this was IT. I was going to start a business that put all of these things together in an area I moved to that really didn't have a place for the teens that live there outside of their schools. I didn't know HOW- but I knew .... it was like there was a gate before me and I could see through to the other side of it- but had to have faith that it would open as needed to allow me to get there.

It has become in my mind, THE FAITH GATE. First, a lady who has passion for raising money for such a non-profit group comes into the picture. She has become our Director of  Development- June is sometimes referred to as the "head" as she checks and balances me (the "heart") and thinks of things logically and realistically.She was a vocal major in college. A Founding Member Board with people from various backgrounds- but all with one thing in common- wanting more for these teens-and really caring! Phil is an outstanding artist and creative thinker.He is not a resident of the Tri-towns, but he brings to the table many ideas and much experience in that department. Greg is a business owner and helps to focus us and get us on a project plan with specific goals and time tables, he enjoys the tech world and  hopes to offer computer tutoring at THAT PLACE. He used to be involved in Young Life. Mark is in sales with a background in Chemistry. His plan is to offer tutoring in Chemistry and help with our sports tournaments. He is logical - yet knows how to get and hold the interest of others. He is also so athletic- played every sport in high school, baseball in college and has coached basketball for years! Chris offers much experience with youth. Young Life, a former youth pastor- now he is in the business world and loves to be a geek with all his computer knoweldge.... but he also is artsy- he acts and sings beautfully! Pam is a long time member of our community and she and her family have run our high school basketball feeder program, Gold Crown, for over 10 years! She has help two different government jobs and now works in the business world. He daughter graduates this year from our local high school and they have done a fabulous job raising her!

So- as I stand at the FAITH GATE- it swings open - and into my life enter these incredible people who are willing to step onto the path with me and help get this business up and running! AMAZING!

This Morning I THREW UP ON MY FAMILY!

In keeping with my current "theme" which isn't an intentional theme- but apparently- I keep thinking about things that BOTHER me.


Anyway, so this one has been bothering me ALL DAY!


This morning I threw up all over my family. Yep! Right before I got ready for church...and then I went into my bathroom, turned the shower on and bawled like a baby!

It was just disgusting....I have been so busy, overwhelmed with studying- preparing for a huge testing day, working out, trying to start a new business, running our home which had been infected with sickness, doing taxes, AND the regular stuff....I didn't even realize HOW stressed I had become..... Then, it happened. My power steering pump went out and I realized I had to wait to get it fixed because I didn't have the cash for it. It started me down a trail of negative thoughts....how my wedding ring is still busted, I need a battery and charging cord for my laptop, my grandma's table isn't finished, I keep waiting to get my Siri iphone4s....waiting....WAITING AND WAITING!!! And has anyone other than me noticed how messy the house had gotten in the past couple days?? OH MY GOSH! Look- the trash is overflowing AGAIN! Can't someone ELSE take it out of the container and put it in the garage????!!!!


I threw up with words ALL. OVER. THEM.


And IT. FELT. AWFUL.


Like I said, I then went to shower (bawling like a baby) to get ready for church- which I KNEW I NEEDED. Clearly, I was allowing myself to be swallowed in the sinking sand of negativity and thinking about ME. ME. ME.


Enter RUSH HOUR- Where kids bring their parents to learn! (Our family worship service. Of which, I am now in a leadership role as a Crew Leader.) And, yes..... I heard the message LOUD AND CLEAR!


Honor others- put others needs above your own. NOTHING like what I was doing just a half hour earlier....but, I was realizing BIG TIME- that was exactly what I NEEDED TO DO! FOCUS ON OTHERS!! It isn't about me. Life is so much better when we look outward for the good of others!


I am focussed again. A plan is on the rise- a plan of encouraging those in my life and focussing on the positives... So, if we are friends on facebook....if I am involved in your life at all- THAT IS MY MISSION. Instead of throwing up all over the people I care about- I intend to BRIGHTEN their day. 


(A friend of mine wrote about throwing up on her husband a couple years ago with her words and that analogy has stood in my head. It is SO true! And, throw up is DISGUSTING!)

Out with the old??

OK- so there seems to be a "theme" I have going on right now. It is the stuff I struggle with. It is the stuff that gets under my skin that I can't seem to avoid as of late....

I mean, I tend to try to count blessings and focus on good and stay as positive as possible.....but.....

Well, here is the situation. I see EVERYwhere that in our society, our country, our towns, and cities, our movies, our sit coms..... virtually everywhere you look there is a  HUGE focus on YOUTH.

I love youth, don't get me wrong....I wish there was a fountain for it....sometimes.... No. Actually, I don't.

As I have gotten older, I have discovered that the years of my youth, though fun and frenzied and full of tons of energy- did not offer the peace, the understanding, the way of being able to look at a subject from so many points of view.

Growing up I had a couple of grandmothers and do you know something? When my life got rocky....when I was confused....when I needed comfort- it was my grandmothers who knew just what needed said- just what needed done- just how to help, exactly how I needed help for each situation.

Those two ladies had a lot of GRAY HAIR!!! They were 40 some years older than me.

Now, I am getting more and more gray hair. I am not a grandma yet- but I still look to those who have gone before me for advice, for help to point me in the right direction.....do you know WHY? They have the wisdom- the experience. The Bible says that gray hair is a sign of wisdom. Wisdom is a good thing- so gray hair must be also and so being older must be a good thing.

It feels good to me to be getting older- to have raised little ones, to be knee deep into teenagers, to be able to offer what I have learned about life through my own living of it to others who are younger. I am looking forward to becoming a grandma- and I hope that my grandchildren will feel that I am the kind of grandma I had. (Just to clarify- no, I am not in a hurry for my teenagers to have babies! I can wait!)

But, this is what scares me.... What if I start letting my grays show a little more? What if I add in some more wrinkles this summer from hanging out in the sun? Is my society going to shove me to the side? Discount who I am - who I have become with years of experience? Decide I have no value- no worth?

Whatever. I know I cannot decide for anyone else. But as for me, I choose to celebrate that there are older, more experienced, wise people in my life. I think AGING IS A BEAUTIFUL THING! I am thankful for my grandmas and people like them. I will never be ready to discard or shove to the side those who are older than me.

My Struggle

There is something I have been struggling with. It's getting to the point that it is the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep.

There are people who come to churches who have issues. Did you know?

People who have mental illness. People who are addicted to pornography. People who are filing bankruptcy. People who feel unloved. People who are searching.

So many of us get all dressed up on Sunday- we smell good- we look good- we feel good. We want to go to church and we want to sing some songs that make us feel good. Hear about a God who loves us. We want to smile at people and maybe get a few hugs.

Then it happens.
That person comes in- they look a mess, they smell bad, they are crying and very upset. Is that alcohol on their breath??
Or- then we see the guy we know outside of church and we know he is gay. He is openly gay. He came to church?
Or- then we see those girls from school come in - you know, the ones who barely cover up their skin? Now it's all showing here in church, too. REALLY?

We look at them. Wonder why they came. Don't they know that there are dress codes here? Don't they know God doesn't like what they are doing? or did? We may even think about how they are messing up our morning. I mean, seriously- hearing her and seeing her all upset like that while I try to worship God is distracting. It's also distracting to see so much skin in front of me- COVER UP!

Really????

I try to imagine Jesus standing in front of us- I am trying to imagine him turning them away. "You aren't welcome here at church- you have to be perfect to come in. Or, at least trry to LOOK like you are- like you have it all together so that everyone else here feels good and comfortable."

NO! Not just NO, but HELL NO!

Jesus wants people to come to him JUST AS THEY ARE. (It doesn't mean he won't work on them and change them over time- He has changed me a lot and continues to....but thank God he didn't expect me to look perfect or be perfect first- or I still wouldn't be allowed to be there!)

And by the way- just because people look good and smile at church, doesn't mean they have it all together! People who go to church AREN'T perfect. They STILL have issues, struggles, SIN. They still need that Saviour, Jesus!

So, my struggle, personally, isn't the people who come to church and aren't afraid to let it all hang out and show everyone around them that they struggle. My issue is the people who sit there and stare- or shake their head in judgement- or act as if that person has no business being there. The people who would rather say I am a Christian, and I am going to only let these other Christian people who look good and smell good and act the way I like to be here with me.

But, then, I am being judgemental, too.