Family Pride

Today marks the day, 6 moths ago, that the girls and I had neighbors and friends at our house and in our driveway as both, we and they, had eyes filled with tears as we said our "so longs" and piled into our packed minivan with our 2 dogs and headed west for Colorado.

I look back today, even a little further to the previous November when Mark and I hit what was probably the real crossroads in our marriage. Things had been rocky, to say the least. We had not been involved at church and had our family going off as individuals in so many directions- with paths rarely crossing in any significant way. This time in our lives was the least close our family had ever been as a whole.

Then in February, Mark began interviews for a new position in his company. A position which would have come much sooner, had times not been so tough in our nation's economy. By March, we knew we would be moving. By April, Mark headed to Colorado without us to begin his new job.

For four long months, I stayed with our four girls in Colorado. Our oldest two did not want to move in the least. They were teenagers and leaving their friends was tearing them apart. I was afraid of being so far from family. In the back of my mind, I wondered what would happen if things started going south again in my marriage? I wouldn't be able to make a drive back "home" in a day. My youngest two were having the easiest time adjusting- as they were excited for adventure...but the closer the time for leaving came, the more emotional they were getting, too.

I was juggling a lot. Zumba classes, coaching travel basketball, getting my kids to and from friends and sports, running our house, homeschooling, dealing with the kids and my own waves of emotion...and doing all I usually did- but alone now. This gave me a new appreciation for Mark and all the ways he helps out. It also made me appreciate family even more, as I had none around and realized how much easier it was to ask them for help than it was to ask friends. So, I sucked it up and did the best I could. In the mean time, Mark was comparing being without us and basketball coaching as being a drug addict who had quit two of his favorite drugs cold turkey. He was missing both, something fierce and wasn't enjoying his quiet time at the hotel each night near as much as I thought I would! lol

Then, the big day finally arrived. We were in our van driving through the tears and the pain we had in our hearts. I had purchased a AAA plan in case I had flat tires or anything else come up that would be difficult to handle as a woman traveling across country with 4 kids, and 2 dogs with no real mechanical inclination! Good thing, too, because as I spread our journey out to allow time for some fun and relaxation over 3 days, we did get a flat tire and they fixed us up so we could be on our way! No worries!

We arrived in Colorado and it was as if we were on a honeymoon! Mark got us our own room for the night. He had found a house for us, but we could not close on it for several days and had not even seen it yet, so we all snuggled in at a hotel - this was an unexpected blessing! This family who had become so individualized, was put together in a small place where we had LOTS of together and closeness. It felt good to all snuggle up and talk and laugh together.

We went the day after we arrived, and we looked at our new home. LOVELY! Mark had picked a wonderful place for us to live. A very nice park just 2 houses down with a 6 mile trail for running, walking, biking....a nice family neighborhood within a good school district. the best part- we could see the mountains!!! The mountains cannot be justly described, in my opinion. But, I feel God when I look at them and such peace and tranquility. They truly are amazing! One of the most amazing things I have seen in my life- right up there with being at the base of Niagra Falls in a boat being churned around by the pounding water, and seeing my nephew be born!

A prayer was answered in this move, in that the very first Sunday we were here, while still staying in the hotel, we found a church home that we love and can serve in and have made wonderful friends in. We realized through the move to Illinois and not being in church, how important that was to us as individual and as a family. We are so blessed that it happened so easily for us here.


4 short days after moving in, our exchange student arrived. This was another change for our family. It seemed as if constant change was just becoming a way of life. This move was difficult in and of itself, with the older girls especially adjusting to a new school, new teams, new ways, new teachers, having to make new friends....now we added a new "family member" to the mix....and it was a mix. But, I have to say, I think this ended up bringing us all closer once again. Through all of these changes, too, my oldest daughters began to really express themselves and find their own inner-strength. I was feeling a sense of pride in them I had not experienced before...it was like they were growing up right before my eyes and I was so proud of who they were developing into! My youngest two, being younger, just continued to welcome change. What troopers!

When our exchange left, that very week just days later, we welcomed another family into our home. This family, I have blogged about before. We did not know them- but we had friends in common from the church we were members of in Ohio. This family consited of a husband and wife, four girls just a couple years behind our own age range, two dogs and a cat. At this point in time, I just really started realizing that God had been using this whole move for our benefit. He was bringing our family closer though everything that was happening. Giving us a knew appreciation for each member! A stronger love. He was also, developing a generosity, a trust, and a love of others that I am not sure any of us had ever really had at such a level, previously.

At any rate...the past 6 months and more have been quite a journey for me and for my entire family. As I look back and reflect at all that has happened, all the changes we have endured and grown from over this time, it brings me a sense of family pride. A sense of awe about how good life can be when you just say, "Yes" to what is before you. When you just say, "Yes" to the people placed before you. When you just say, "Yes" to change, adventure, and the unknown. When you just say, "Yes" to the chance to be generous and put forth the effort to be a part of or a help in the lives of others. I have a sense of "Family Pride" like I have never experienced before. It is such a blessing to be a part of the NEU CREW! I love my family!!!

Love is... KIND

Last week was a pretty easy week for me. I have been blessed with patience. I don't know if it is something I was born with or if it was developed thru jobs I have had in the past- working with mentally and physically challenged people in the MRDD field for years, working with children, working as a home health aid. However it happened, patience is not usually a big struggle for me. For that, I am thankful.

This week, however, is not the easiest of weeks! I am not gonna lie! KINDNESS. •Kindness is the act or the state of being kind and marked by charitable behaviour, marked by mild disposition, pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others. It is a recognized value in many cultures and religions (see ethics in religion). (Wikipedia)

It is easy for me to be kind most of the time. I like people, so that contributes to a lot of the easiness. BUT, I do have a tendency to tease a bit and antagonize. Sometimes, this form of fun is not always fun for everyone. Especially, if the one being teased gets their feelings hurt. This kind of poking fun is the norm in our home. We tease eachother - but we have had to learn that when it stops being funny to the other person- we stop the teasing because it is then, no longer fun or funny. This has worked for the most part. However, I cannot say that words already said before realizing they hurt another person can simply be taken back. This is when another part of love kicks in- forgiveness...and maybe even - the always trusts and always hopes kicks in...but that is another week(s).

So, KINDNESS. It is easy to be kind when things are easy. It is easy to be kind to kind people. When it gets hard for me, is when someone else is being unkind. I cannot stand to listen to or watch a person passing judgement on others as though they themselves were perfect. And, frankly, I find it hard to tolerate these people, let alone be kind to them! The other struggle I have with kindness is being kind to someone who has hurt someone I love. I also find it hard to be kind to a person who simply is not being kind to me. I have this red hair and Irish temper that kicks in at these times and sometimes, I can imagine myself simply kicking the crap out of someone! Now, THAT is not kind at all!

So, honestly, this can be a real struggle for me and I have had to learn to trust that someone greater than me is in control and that I need not worry about avenging myself, or a loved one. I have to trust that in the end- the truth will prevail and that whatever happens in the mean time, is the for the benefit of everyone involved. That good, not harm can come from every situation and I can rest in that.

So, when that part of me creeps in that wants to "teach someone a lesson" or "show them"....I breathe, say a  prayer- maybe even share with a trusted person how I am feeling, and then I let go and resist the temptation to react. When I struggle to be kind, I pray for myself...and I pray for the one I am finding it hard to be kind to! This is what helps me....and this is what I do.

Love- Part One-

At church lately, we have been talking about Marriage and Family. Week one was addressing Marriage. Week two- the men. They actually asked the married men to stand up and then as they read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; they were told they should sit down when they heard a description of love they struggled with.

I was like- WOW! What pressure....how embarrassing....when would I sit down?? Well, that has spurred me on to really take a good look at myself. What an appropriate time to do this, too, with Valentine's Day and my 16th wedding anniversary right around the corner!

The first thing it says in the passage is LOVE IS PATIENT.

In general, I feel I am a pretty patient person. but, this week, I am asking God to show me where I need work in this department- as I know I cannot be perfect.

So, stay tuned... .PATIENCE....where is it lacking in my life? Stay tuned to find out. As I discover, I will share. After all-- admitting it is the first step to recovery, right??

Mercy and Grace

Not getting what I deserve- Mercy.
Getting what I don't deserve- Grace.
I am amazed and thankful for and by both!
I have done so many things during my lifetime that should have had/ could have had severe consequences...and yet....I have not really suffered. MERCY.
I have not been anything special. Just a person going though life. Learning as I go. And yet, I am so blessed. I have been given so much physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. GRACE.
Mercy and Grace...Mercy and Grace....
I have been given much of both- so I pray I show much of both to those around me....

DO YOU!

A piece of advice that may be some of the best piece of advice ever given! "DO YOU"!

I had long been a people pleaser. I never wanted to hurt a person's feelings, make them angry, cause a disturbance, or take a chance on them not liking me. For these reasons, a good portion of my life was played out by me making decisions based on others...others' opinions, others' reasonings, others' thoughts, others' arguments, and friendships or lack of friendships with them.

I ended up getting so burnt out. So overloaded. So lost in who I was. Pleasing everyone was just not working. The reality of it is that it never did work- but it seemed to for a long time. Gradually, though, I began feeling like a failure. I realized I didn't love life like I had when I was young. I knew I had to make a change and I knew that change could come from no one and nowhere but from within. I went from loving people to feeling like they were usually somewhat of a hassel and trying to avoid or just be superficial with a lot of them.

I realized that the way I had been living my life for years was not really the way a good life could or should be lived. By the time I had gotten this realization, I was so insecure. I was so unsure of myself. I was so used to thinking about everyone around me, that I really wasn't sure where to begin finding me again.

I stumbled upon working out and that reminded me of the passion I had once had for fitness. It also gave me time. Time was something I virtually had none of when I was constantly trying to please others. Pleasing others kept me soooo busy! This time I had to myself was so useful as I could clear my mind of distractions and it allowed me to remember what my passions were....to remember what made me an individual and gave me the chance to think about how I could and would go about getting back to my roots.

I definitely think I went overboard with this in the beginning....It was sort of like a pendulum. I had been so far over to one side that as I began to swing in the other direction, I went way over in the other direction. For a while I became very self-absorbed. Life seemed to become "all about me". I just wanted to have fun, feel free, not think about others. I may have hurt people when I was in this place. I am sure I did. I never wanted to - that's for sure.

I have come back to a middle ground now. I realize more than ever that we are all made differently. Thank God! Each of us has a purpose(s). I appreciate so much people who are different from me, as I know they have talents and abilities for a reason.Their thought processes are necessary to make this world a better and more diverse place. Without this diversity, certain jobs would never get done. Life would be so boring. I also realize that I have to be me. I have a purpose- a reason for exisiting. If I am not fulfilling that, then who will?

No matter how big or small the difference, each serves a purpose. Each person's uniqueness is there for a reason. If I change who I am- who I was meant to be for someone else- then who will serve the purpose(s) I was created for? And if you change who you are for me or anyone else, then who will serve your purpose?

So, I guess what I am saying is DO YOU! Live life to the fullest!!