Here I Am

I'm probably just gonna ramble. I feel better when I write.
I have no answers - only questions in my mind.
There is no easy way of making troubles light.
But there is an easier way of taking on the fight.
I remember I don't stand alone, I don't sit, I don't breathe… I am surrounded by armies of angels and they are all around me.
It isn't even them I feel, at least I don't think it is. It is the presence of my Lord, his strength encapsulates me.
Here I am, His strength comes to me through people who walk on this earth by my side.
Here I am, His love comes pouring out from the many helping hands.
Here I am, His hand are wiping my tears with the hugs and embraces I feel.
Here I am, His hope it filling my life as I see every need being met.
Here I am and I call on the Great I AM, He is God, I am not, I won't pretend.
Here He is through it all and I have learned I can call on Him time and time again.

Sitting at the hospital watching my husband sleep ….. Callico S. Neu

Day 7. On the Island

Friday morning, June 14th, I woke up feeling just a bit out of sorts. Not as bad as I had the morning before. But still, not as good as I usually do! 

None-the-less, today was our last day. Today we would go to an island and relax a bit before heading home.

We again were up early and ready to go. I think this time it was leaving by 6am! Funny thing is I hear my daughter, Tanise' alarm go off so we all started getting up. One of the girls in our room, Allie, said, "Beach day! Time to get up!" (Chipper is the tone I would use to describe it.) I looked at my phone and it said 4:30! UGH! We were up an hour too early! Back to bed and a sound sleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow!

We headed to the lobby, to the bus, and then to the water taxi. As soon as we boarded the water taxi, I felt a sense of relaxation I hadn't felt all week. I love the water.....it was beautiful! Blue sky, clear water and white clouds. The wind as we surfed the water was amazingly appreciated by me after all of the heat and sweat I had experienced through the week. We were heading for a day of fun!

Snorkeling.... This was something that amazed me! I was afraid to go under and try yo breathe through that little contraption.... but as soon as I put my head under and did it, I felt relaxed. Relaxed from floating peacefully in the warm water surrounding me and relaxed from the scenery, which made me feel as though I were in an aquarium. The rhythmic sound of my breathing was soothing and I began to think it was probably similar to what my babies felt in my womb while I was pregnant...... PEACE. I felt total peace in that water.

Sting Rays! We later swam with them. It was pretty cool, although, I never got far enough under to touch one. I enjoyed watching them under my feet and attempting to go far enough under to get a feel......

Lunch at a restaurant. We still had no ice in our glasses- but it was nice to sit in a chair at a table to eat. All week we sat in pews in the church and had foam containers..... this was more of a back to normal feeling for me! Funny thing, we had 11 people from our group at this restaurant and we ALL ordered BURGERS! I guess we missed our American food, as well! 

Time to walk around the island and do some shopping. This was fun and I witnessed just how good my second Daughter, Tanise and a young woman named Allie were at haggling! I wanted to buy a Hammock Chair for our family and the man told me it was something like $100. These two got him down to $35! Nice! I appreciated the hand made items being sold there. I knew that purchasing them was giving us a nice souvenir and helping some of the locals' businesses. Thankfully, a generous person gave us a little money to do some shopping on our trip and we got hand made jewelry, a couple small carvings, bags (girls love their bags, you know.) and now the hammock seat! 

A little team meeting and recap of the week. We got to hear from 2 individuals about each person in the group. Some encouragement from our peers! How nice! After, we went for dinner (another restaurant) and this time a buffet! Fish and Chicken and Shrimp and side dishes! Cold Lime drink! YUM! Our last meal together. This week had flown by! There were a few staff members from Praying Pelican that I wanted to share something encouraging with. I appreciate them leaving home and comforts again and again to help lead groups like ours in unfamiliar things in an unfamiliar place. We spent a week, but they would be spending their summer there with group after group.

One last game of Silent Football under a canopy of black sky and a Palm leaf roof over our heads outside the hotel.

This hotel had GOOD AIR CONDITIONING! I went in as soon as we arrived and turned it to the lowest setting! It was pretty clean- no ants marching around.....a carpeted floor and solid tiles....no holes in the ceiling, no exposed wires..... we were living a more comfortable life here.... more of the life we were all used to before this week. It was amazing how much I was appreciating it!

Outside of our hotel:

Entrance to our room:

Yes, this life was more like the life a tourist leads while in Belize.... a little blinded by the life of most natives of the place. 

If I lived here, I think I would want to be a captain or ship mate on a boat and take people snorkeling all day...... 

Day 4 - Tuesday

This day was the day I felt it all come together. I felt like my prayers and patience in waiting for God's plan to unfold developed on this day.
We woke up in time again to leave for the church and breakfast at 7:45am. After Breakfast today, we have a little down time to go and see the Mayan Ruins! This is pretty cool, I think. I feel like we traveled North, South, East and West in Belize and I appreciated this as it gave me time to see more of the entire country than just one little aspect. Since we arrived, I had made it my goal to take everything I could in. Billboards, homes, businesses, streets, people- I wanted to try to grasp as much as I could about the place, it's culture and it's people. I had already realized that poverty was everywhere, HIV and AIDS were a big deal, relationships were important (rarely did I see a person all alone- usually they had groups  doing things together.) The ladies and children are a bit shy as far as I can tell, but they are also super friendly and willing to make friends. Men are men- Some of them say comments to women when you walk by. They are more outgoing and sure of themselves it seems.... not too much different than back home- except that they may be a little more forward in their approach! ;)




So, we board our charter bus and head out for a field trip! FEELING EXCITED!!









 









    

  

  

  

  

  

I love the view from the top of peaks! Mountain peaks- but even this one from on top of the Temple. It gives me some sort of comfort in knowing that as an imperfect human being, I have no ability to regularly see the big picture. I see whatever is in front, behind, beside or above me- sometimes, it isn't much as what is near me looks bigger than me..... But, God, He can see the whole picture ALWAYS! I can take comfort in this when I am unsure or afraid or feeling overwhelmed. God sees all and has a plan for it all..... I just need to follow His lead.

 

Following His lead. That is what happened up there that day. It began to rain as we stood up on this monument. How glorious! I love the rain- but especially when I am hot! Refreshing! However, this made some people a little scared. Instantly, my mom mode kicked in and my safety training from various activities though life. It makes me humbled and grateful that as life unfolds you can see how things from your past can be used to help others in the present. Calmly directing people as they climb back down. "Stay low. It's slippery. Go slow. Try to use both feet and both hands. You can do it. Good job." Sometimes, it just helps to hear affirmation. A reminder of what you already know. Everyone made it down safely. It was beautiful.

As we get ready to head out, the other leaders ask for a picture of the three of us together! :) This makes me smile on the inside and the outside. :) Comradery is a beautiful thing!



And, as we are heading back out- a CUTE MONKEY!!!!! I LOVE MONKEYS!!!! This is my first time seeing one in the wild! :) Happy Day!

 

This is truly a beautiful place.....

  



A little time to relax before VBS after lunch and we go back to the hotel. Today, a group of almost all of the girls on the trip came to our room (Our room was a bit different now- Kayla, the other leader and my oldest daughter, Shyanna, went to another room and Haley joined our room.) We had a little time to talk. One of my very favorite things to do is listen to teens. They have a lot of insights that I think many adults just over-look or take for granted. These ladies are intelligent, they have some life-concerns and some ideas about life. It is always helpful to open up to people you can trust and share your thoughts, struggles, fears, joys, likes and dislikes. We are built for relationship with other people and with God. I am feeling extremely blessed to have growing relationships with these young ladies and to see them growing in relationships with each other and God on this trip! Yes, God is showing me why I am there.... and I am loving it!

WOW! Back to the church and VBS is GROWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

 today we have over 100 kids!! Amazing!

We meet as a team again after everything is over. St Richards and Rocky and PPM.
Then we have our own little team meeting. Tonight, Ben has asked Kayla to lead the meeting time and we are able to go have a little ice cream snack in the city and sit outside to do it! Pretty cool!



I wondered what the local thought about us praising God right there in the middle of everything..... Some people stopped to look at us and observe a bit- but not many.

Today was a good day. A turning point where you could really see relationships growing. This was an answer to one of my prayers. THANKFUL!! <3 p="">

Day 2

Sunday, June 9th! 

Wake up time for this camper is 6am! Getting the rest of the room up at 6:30. My room-mates are Tanise and Shyanna (my daughters), Allie and Kayla (another leader).

Last night wasn't the best night's sleep of my life- but not the worst either. Plus, I am super excited about this day and all that it holds!

BREAKFAST:

                                          

First thing is first, we have Sunday School. I am looking forward to this! Our little group is teaching in the teen room. Last night I was able to help Mia put together her lesson. I have full confidence in this young lady! She is so bubbly and compassionate. She is determined to let God use her to reach out to others. Beautiful!

She is talking about the Church being one body and every part of that body being important and useful in ministry! 

                                       

We had a great time at Church- and then at the end of service, we played some games in the back yard with the students from St. Richards and all of the kids at the church who wanted to. Red Rover Red Rover.....I remember being completely impressed by the manners of the children from Belize. They each said, "Please send ______  right over." It was so cute!

After church, we had lunch - a real Belizean experience! Plantains with coconut rice and beans! (we would have this everyday for lunch with a different meat and vegetable.) I added hot sauce to mine- some of the hottest hot sauces I have ever had. YUM!

We played a game (introduced to us by one of the team leaders from Praying Pelican Missions, Andy. It was called Silent Football..... I think. Anyway. This is a hilarious game which really allowed everyone to get to know people's names and had people getting up and sitting down doing hilarious activities! I must admit I didn't play until the 3rd day. But I watched and laughed until my cheeks hurt! 

We also did a training time with Denny- the head leader from Praying Pelican. We learned about talking with people and used an illustration of a house, people standing on the roof, reaching into a glove, which was holding an airplane, with a tennis racket for a propeller, a light bulb in the racket netting, a PFC officer standing on top of the plane with a goal on top of his head and between the goal posts were praying hands instead of a football. This illustration was to remind us of conversations we could strike up with toal strangers in an effort to get to know them. Where do you live? Tell me about your family. What do you do for a living? Have you traveled or lived anywhere else? What do you do for fun? What kinds of ideas do you have about life- your passions? Is there anything you fear? What goals do you have for yourself? Your family? Your community? Can I pray for or with you?

ANDY and DENNY:

Then we went out to the community and we talked to people- and they ACTUALLY ANSWERED THEIR DOORS! AND TOOK TIME TO TALK! :) (So un-American.) 

I had been looking at the scenery of Belize since we arrived. Trying to take as much as I could in. Trying to learn about the people and their culture through what I saw. I continued to do this as we walked about San Ignacio. This place is more in the mountains of Belize. There are typically two kinds of homes- wooden ones built on stilts and cement ones built on the ground. The people hand their clothes out to dry.... I am imagining many of them hand wash them as well. The stores, for the most part are cement buildings with garage door type entrances- they have refrigerated sections but the heat here is unreal and so nothing seems that cold. Not as cold as the refrigerated section back home. People are friendly- but women and children seem a bit more shy. Men are very forward. They do not seem to mind blurting out comments like "Hey baby..." Hi Mami".... etc and they smile and sort of stare from what I have been noticing. We are always in groups of at least 3- and always try to have at least one male with us anywhere we go.(On a side note, I think it's important to mention that I notice signs in the city of Belize the day before. Many billboard that said things about AIDS and HIV. I saw one sign that actually said something like "I Have to Have Sex to Have a Home. Help." My heart was just about ripped out of my chest.) 

After a time, we head back to the church and from there decide to go down to the river where we hear a lot of people are gathered on this hot afternoon to cool off! A dog that had followed us around earlier in the day was at the river and believe it or not, this same dog would make a few more appearances at various locations we visited. There are LOTS of stray dogs in Belize. One of the PPM team members told me there were like 7 dogs to every 1 person! That's a LOT of dogs!

We went to the church again for dinner and visiting with each other and then prepared for Church Service. 

This church service is pretty neat as our Rocky Mountain Group put the service on. (St. Richards went to a mass at the Catholic church down the road.) Conner a young man who just graduated high school led worship. Ben- our Youth Pastor gave the message. A few of our teens gave their testimonies. One of them was my daughter, Tanise. She told them about her cousin dying and how that caused her to live in fear and have anxiety for a while- she shared how she got through it with God's help. I was very proud of her! I believe when you tell your story- it brings freedom to you and to others. You don't have to hide or feel ashamed. We all struggle with the same kinds of things and after hearing your story, another person can experience the freedom that comes from knowing they are not alone and that they, too, can share. 

I personally, also enjoyed worshiping in Spanish. Even though I knew not all that I was singing, it was fun and freeing to sing to God in another language!

I'm pretty sure that we went back to our hotel then and did our team Bible study time that Ben had for us. We were all so tired....but it was good to reflect and prepare to be improve in the next day.

At this point in my trip, I was a bit emotional from just being tired and I was feeling a bit awkward. I was one of three leaders and was feeling like I was not really leading. I have a different style of leading than a lot of people. I learned this style of leadership at Vineyard Church in Columbus, Ohio. It is called being a "Servant Leader" and it falls more in line with my gifts and my love language of serving. Since, I was busy being with the students and doing what they were doing and I didn't really know the other two leaders from my church, I just felt kind of out of the loop. I was the oldest person on the trip- but not really hanging out with the people closer to my age much. (Story of my life! lol). We have 2 campuses and as it turned out, I was the only adult from my campus going- it all happened kind of last minute as well, so there wasn't much time to get to know each other before our trip!) I used my Bible study time to remind myself that this trip was not about my feelings or me. It was about whatever it was God wanted..... this was a good thing. I am thankful that Ben brought it along! My moments of feeling awkward didn't last long. Through this Bible Study time, I was reminded that whatever was happening was a part of God's plan. His plan is always the best plan! So, I smiled and really began to savor the time I had with the students and the work I was able to do. It truly was such a blessing to just trust that what was going on was exactly what God wanted!!