Forgiveness Part 3

So, it has taken me a while to finish this up....Forgiveness- Part 3.
I wrote about forgiving yourself and forgiving others already....today is the "how" part of all of that.

I definitely can only speak for myself....as I have only experienced how I personally forgive...

I pray. I ask God to help me forgive. I sometimes have to picture myself giving the offense- or the offender to Him and then picture myself walking away. Sometimes, depending on the depth of the wound, I have to do these things repeatedly....

I sometimes have to remind myself of how often I have needed to be forgiven and how imperfect I have been- how MUCH I appreciate the grace and the mercy I have been shown. (It is much more difficult for me to feel the need to "repay" or have revenge on someone for something they have done when I realize how I could have been treated for the wrongs I have done.)

I have to remind myself that the God I know is the fullness of goodness and trustworthiness and so whatever I give to Him, He will handle in the best way! I am reminded that I am thankful it is He who has handled my own transgressions and for that I am thankful as people are not nearly as good and trustworthy as He is.

I am really not sure how people forgive when they don't know and have a relationship with God. I know some people without that relationship and knowlege who choose to hold on to bitterness and unforgiveness and they usually end up with a hardened heart and become sort of grumpy and untrusting. I am sure it is not true of everyone. But, I can only write on this topic from my own understanding and experience.

As I said in an earlier post. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying it is "ok". It is NOT "OK" that a man took my friend's life- but I can get to the point where I don't want to punish him myself because of what he did.

If you are in a relationship with a person who continually hurts you, I believe we can forgive-(not want to punish) and at the same time choose to distance ourselves a bit from the situation.Forgiving someone isn't giving them permission to walk on you like a door mat. If you recognize that being with a person who is negatively affecting the rest of your life - you cannot continue to be brought down like that. It is my opinion that we have a duty in this life to try to be positive, loving, encouraging, and a light- we cannot do this when we are constantly being brought down by negativity, hate, discouragement and darkness. So, sometimes, in order that we may continue to do our duty, we have to separate ourselves from the other.

I am thankful to know God. I am thankful to know the love and forgiveness he offers to me and everyone else! He is how I have been able to forgive others and He is how I will be able to continue to forgive. I hope you know Him!

Mercy Interrupts with PRAYER....

I am one of those people who likes to understand people. I thought about going into counseling, social work and therapy for a while because of this...It also drives me to take "tests"- you know, personality tests, strength tests, spiritual gift tests...

Well, Mercy is my number one Spiritual Gift.

1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.

2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy.

3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.

4. Alleviation of distress; relief: Taking in the refugees was an act of mercy

 

I am full of compassion. I love people. I want to help people. I am used to people feeling comfortable with me and having pretty deep relationships as I am also a "relator" on the strengths test and so developing relationships is part of who I am and how I work.

 

In the not so far away, I have had a couple friendships that were fairly new and those friendships were quickly spreading thru my heart and into my life.

 

Suddenly, the relationship came to an abrubt stand still. I was left with next to no information. But, that friend that was feeling like a new kindred spirit- was suddenly "ripped" away.

 

I began internalizing. I began thinking the person(s) I was caring so much about, just didn't like me anymore. I was feeling like I must have done something wrong. I wondered why this happened?? I. I. I. I. I. I. I......

 

 

It soon became apparent in both instances, that somehow, I made the situations all about me. Why?? In reality, the individuals I was dealing with were having some very major challenges in their lives that really had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME! But, I was determined that they were all about me.

 

I guess, it is selfishness. A self-centered issue. I feel like a toddler as I write this- you know....thinking that the world revolves around me...?

 

In the midst of all of this, I felt nudged to pray for the person. This was a HUGE help. Praying shifted me away from me. Praying made me really feel for them and whatever their situation was- whether I knew what it was or not- and I didn't! But, it didn't matter so much anymore that I felt...it mattered that THEY felt. THEY had needs. That THEY were important. That THEY were loved and would come out of whatever was going on for the better.

 

Life feels so much better when it's not all about me. Life is so much nicer when instead of thinking the worst and worrying, I am hoping and wanting the best and trusting that God is good and he will take care of everything if I just have faith and try to love others and think of them before myself!

 

Some Turmoil Turned Around

I interrupt the Forgiveness series to share with you a little turmoil turned around!

Lately, I have been getting an incredible sense of loneliness.

I have told people about it. Posted on FB about it. I have asked people to pray concerning it. I have cried out loud about it. I have prayed myself and pondered why, in such a friendly place- and knowing so many people in such a short time- have I not had that "click"? I have been feeling pretty desperate about it....
   

We were fortunate enough as a family unit living in Plainfield, Illinois to have wonderful neighbors in our neighborhood that we could hang out with at the drop of a hat!
We had 2 families in Canton, Ohio that were like extended family to my family. We did weekends together, holidays...sometimes even school nights!
We were very close with 2 families in Pryor, Oklahoma as well. They became like family to us almost instantly as we were over 1000 miles away from our own.
Before that, we were in Columbus, Ohio and we were fabulous friends with a family with 3 boys when we had 3 girls. Again, like extended family!

You get the idea, I am sure! We got it in our heads, that where ever we lived, there would undoubtedly be someone that this connection would happen with.

Here, we have definitely made friends. But not the same kind. Very loving people, for sure, but no one we hang out with nearly every weekend consistently. No one we do holidays with. It is different. For a while, I had been looking at this as a bad thing....

It has been harder for me than my husband as he is a salesman and likes lots of people and has friends- but I am more intimate with people, I guess you could say. I LOVE spending one-on-one time. Talking. Laughing. Sharing life with others on a regular basis.

But, today, I feel like I had somewhat of a revelation!! Today, I feel like as bleak as things have seemed to me- they may not be so bad after all!

Today, I realized, that with only a couple more years with my oldest before she goes to college, and a few before the next goes...maybe what I am supposed to do with that feeling of loneliness is to spend it with my FAMILY. Have a coffee date with my girls. Go on more dates with my husband.
If we were going to spend $50 inviting another family over for dinner- why not just take our family to see a movie we have been wanting to see instead?

This could be a remarkable opportunity for The Neu Crew! I cannot wait to see how this all turns out now.... I will keep you posted! :)

Forgiveness Part 2

What about forgiving yourself??

Since we are all imperfect, we ALL mess up! Sometimes, we do it on accident. Sometimes, we do wrong KNOWINGLY.

In my humble opinion, it is pretty easy to firgive yourself when you have done something wrong accidentally; however, when you know something is wrong and do it anyway, it is a little more difficult to forgive yourself.

I say this, picture your best friend, of someone else you love tremendously having done the same thing(s), and then looking back and feeling remorse- wishing they hadn't done it or said it, and seeking to be forgiven.

WOULD YOU FORGIVE THEM???

If you said, "Yes"- then put that same perspective on you and your situation. FORGIVE YOURSELF!!

Since, ALL OF US ARE IMPERFECT- we are ALL going to need forgiveness. Yes, that includes the one writing this and the one reading it! :)

Forgiveness Part 1

THIS seems like a HUGE topic....
although, it isn't really that ginormous when you break it down!
So, I am gonna try to break it down, yo! lol
Many people think that in forgiving another person, you are saying that what they did is OK.

NOT TRUE!!!!!!         

What is actually happening within forgiveness is that you are not requiring or wanting revenge- or justice for what happened.

I have struggled with this in my life with people on many different levels. I have needed to learn to forgive wrong that was done by way of heart-break, death, physical abuse, verbal mistreatment, judgemental attitudes...some things that were intentional and some that were not. My struggles are the same as everyone else on the planet. We have all been wronged- we are all imperfect!

In some instances these wrongs were realized by the other person(s) involved and they sought out my forgiveness. In some instances, they never realized their part -or if they did, simply didn't care enough to seek the forgiveness.

I am FAR from perfect. But, I have been looking at, dealing with, and praying about forgiveness since early this past spring. Probably almost 9 months. I can honestly say that at this moment in time, I feel I have forgiven every person in every situation as far back as I can remember and as recent as this morning, at this moment. :)

It is a GREAT feeling, being at a place of forgiveness, as harboring unforgiveness makes me restless...makes me feel a sense of discontentment...and brings me to a place of almost torment inside at times with feelings of resentment and unfinished business. It makes me UGLY.

The thing about forgiveness is that it can be a reoccurring event. Being imperfect beings, we can have moments where we slip back and those old wounds are reopened and we have to forgive once again.

But, it is worth it! FAR better than the alternative- When I don't forgive, on the outside it is apparent, as I have nothing nice to say about the other person. I may have nothing but ugly words to say to the person or about the person. I may hate the thought of even being in their presence- or picture dumping a bucket of ice cold water over their head out in the snow- or even slapping them across the face in my mind. On the indside I am churning...thinking over and over again about the situation- unable to let it go- unable to move on. Inside I am stuck. IT IS UGLY!

 It is poison!


It is poison to us...not to the other person when we harbor unforgiveness....
The other person, as I stated earlier, may not even realize that they have done wrong- or they may just not care. If that is the case- the only person being damaged by the torment  going on in your mind and body over the issue at hand is YOU!

Why do that to yourself????? :)

Insecurity .... Don't Let It!

This week I have been thinking a lot about insecurity. The topic came up in a Beth Moore Bible study I am doing with some wonderful women that I am friends with.

According to the free online dictionary it means
1. Not sure or certain; doubtful:

2. Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe:

3. Not firm or fixed; unsteady:

4. a. Lacking stability; troubled: b. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety:

The thing about insecurity is seems to affect everyone in some way at some point in life.

It would also seem that most of it begins in our formative years when we depend on someone and they somehow do not meet the need for which we were depending on them. But, it can happen throughout life.

Basically, since we are all human- which means none of us is perfect- we are bound to let someone else down- even when we try our best not to. But, depending on how severe the let down- or how often it happened- this could have a lot to do with just how insecure an individual becomes and/ or how long it takes them to become more secure.

The very troubling thing about insecurity is that it does nothing but destroy. I think I agree completely with Beth in that insecurity leads to JEALOUSY, ENVY, MANIPULATION, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, PROMISCUITY, UNBELIEF, and I have already added FEAR, LACK OF TRUST, and SKEPTICISM to that list.... all of these things cause breakdown in relationships we have with other people....and that break down in relationship leads to more insecurity....it seems it is somewhat of a vicious cycle...

Have you ever noticed a person who seems to be pretty secure about themselves? A lot of times those who are more insecure just cannot handle that person. They seem to have a hard time even wanting a relationship with a very secure person as it seems to scare them. Maybe because they have to face their insecurities instead of ignoring them- maybe in the light of security, they know it is bound to show just how insecure they themselves really are.

I lived a good portion of my life in insecurity. And, honestly, it can still be a struggle - insecurity has shown itself in my life in a fear of not living up to someone's expectations, or being abandoned- which has either made me choose to not even try at a relationship- or try too much! It has caused a lack of trust -formed on the basis of history with others- not with the one- which is unfair to the one....

I remember even coming in contact myself with those very secure people - which used to make me shy away and feel "not good enough"- now I LOVE to be around secure people as they inspire me!! And when you hang out with secure people, you discover that they are just like everyone else- except for the way they look at and handle mistakes and failures and fears. They are more optimistic and handle themselves and their lives as such....especially the valleys.....

Insecurity breeds breakdown. Breakdown of relationships and self-image....and often other-image. I think the best way to combat it is to look insecurity in the eye and NOT BACK DOWN.

Picture insecurity as a piece of splintery wood. As you sand it down-it takes strength and consistency  to go back and forth with and against the grain of it's wood without fearing splinters! It may start off prickly and a little difficult- you may get stuck a couple times (remember that splinters can be pulled out) , but ultimately, your life will just be so much more smooth- your relationships will be so much better- you will feel so much better- not having to live with it rubbing against- and sticking you all the time!

 Don't let insecurity destroy all the beauty around you- the beauty of relationship, of things available for you to try, to see, to do! Insecurity breeds- but you have the power to stop it!

"Given the Chance, I Hope You DANCE!"

Dancing....that is something I have always absolutely loved! I grew up in rather poor conditions, so I never really was able to go take classes to learn to dance- but I ALWAYS immitated those I saw dancing!

I recently became a member of something called "CREW" at our church- http://www.rmcc.org/ - Rocky Mountain Christian Church. I had been a part of Rush Hour- http://www.rushhourcolorado.com/ as a character- actress, playing the roll of mother to a very roudy, but sweet boy- "Vinny"- as "Mrs. T.".

That has been an awesome experience- and challanged me in a number of ways. Memorization, speaking publically, not laughing my head off while on stage at the hilarious actions and words that go on all in the midst of getting a message about a virtue across to children and their parents..... to name a few. ;)

This season, though- I get to DANCE as well as play Mrs. T.! I auditioned in the spring for "crew" the group of people that dance during the Rush Hour production. I wasn't sure if this was wise or not as practices are Wednesdays and performances are Sunday mornings- which happen to be 2 of the 3 days I am off from teaching Zumba...BUT!

WOW!! Last night, being on that stage- or even in the room- and dancing my heart out- jumping around, singing, smiling- what an incredible feeling!!! Often times as  Christians, we "hold back" and don't just really LET GO and PRAISE God with our EVERYTHING- but last night, I was able to let go! My entire body just bounced around in joy praising God!

I cannot help but reflect on that child-like, excited, energetic and joyful feeling that I had in dancing last night, this morning! As I think about dancing- as happy as I know I always am to see people let go and move- I can only imagine the God who made our bodies and minds and how he must feel to see us-his children of any age- just let go in joyfulness with all that we are and praise Him!! It brings a tear to my eye. Tears of joy and thankfulness that I have found a place that expressing in this way is not only acceptable- but WANTED. :)

So, much of this life is spent staying in the lines- and what we think others will think prohibits us from doing what we love or feel moved to do. Prohibits us from just letting our hair down and having fun! I feel so blessed right now to be a part of something that encourages just that! Truly, truly blessed and so overwhelmed and humbled that I GET to do it!

Below are some scriptures just showing that God MUST enjoy our dancing bodies! He made them so they COULD dance, after all! So, if you are given the chance, I hope you DANCE!!!! :)

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."
Psalm 30:11 (NIV)

"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
Ecclesiastes 3:4 (KJV)

"Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs"
Psalm 150:4 (KJV)

"Let them praise his name in the dance: let them
sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp."
Psalm 149:3 (KJV)

"And David danced before the LORD with all his might;
and David was girded with a linen ephod."
2 Samuel 6:14 (KJV)