Merely His: Day 6, Thursday, June 13th

The night had been extremely difficult for me. My stomach was crampy and nauseated throughout. I woke up, took my shower and then laid back down again and fell asleep. The girls got up and I lay there thinking, "This is our last day here and I feel like crap! How am I going to do this?"

So, about 10 minutes before we had to meet in the lobby of the hotel, I got up. We had to walk on this day as our bus driver, Vinson, was driving the other group to the water taxi for their day of R&R. We were up in the mountains and the hills were steep. I could do it. I'm a fitness instructor- let's see how I do in the heat exerting energy while feeling sick.

I lagged. Took my time. Kayla walked with me. She mentioned that she was kind of glad I wasn't feeling 100% as seeing me have so much energy and doing so much was somehow making her not feel as positive about what she was giving or doing on the trip. Something like that. I didn't take offense. I actually understand it. I have been told similar things before. Sometimes, people are somehow intimidated (not sure if that's the best word) by a person with my personality. I am a "go-getter". I make lists and check them off. I give as much as I can to whatever I am doing, or to me, it isn't worth doing. I don't care what other people choose to do- but I somehow can cause others (unintentionally to feel like less- or be intimidated by). I was once a Strength's Coach for Gallop. This Coaching helps people see the way they "do life" in a positive light. It isn't uncommon for people to hear negative comments from others who don't understand how they operate and when you can get an appreciation for how you operate and how others do it helps teams work together, people feel better about how they are and helps people take on roles and jobs that best suit them. My top five themes (which make up how I do life) are "Achiever"- list making and checking off then starting a new list, "Maximizer"- make good better or best- don't bother if it isn't going to happen or isn't a strength of mine- let someone else, "Relator"-relating to people- do well one on one or small groups, "Strategic"- always thinking "what if" looking at possibilities, "Responsibility"- If I say I am going to do it, I am going to... or I will kill myself trying! Now, don't get me wrong. I also relax and play with the same passion and conviction as I work. When I take a day off- I DO NOTHING. AT. ALL. When I play, I PLAY HARD! I say all this to say- no matter how you are made- you have been made in such a way to do whatever is in front of you to do in a unique way! Being different from another isn't bad- it's actually very good as it helps give well-roundedness to the world or project and more completion than if it was only one way accomplished from one viewpoint or one standard or one way of doing it. BE YOU! YOU are NEEDED!! :)

Kayla and I stop at the store right before the church and she buys me a ginger ale. I am trying to feel good and have energy!

So, we get there.... I am giving it the best shot I have. I DO NOT WANT TO MISS THE LAST DAY!
However, I couldn't eat. I was forcing pieces of breakfast fruit down my throat little by little- but it was VERY little. Ginger ale....that was good. Canada Dry- just like at home. I helped put the frames together for VBS. This require little from me. I wouldn't help finish painting today. I would keep laying low and see how far I could push myself. I soon found myself exhausted. I would succumb to it from time to time - but tried to deny it as well. I joked with the students... slept. Tried to do the Cha-Cha slide.... slept. Weird thing was I was sleeping on the tiled floor with no pillow or blanket, loud music playing and people all around me talking loudly. (Totally out of character for me. I usually need complete darkness, no noise and comfort.)

So, eventually, it was time for lunch and I just couldn't bring myself to eat. I kept making myself drink water. I was extremely tired of the water. Jen, one of the PPM staff asked me what I would be able to consume. I needed to have SOMETHING. I said, "Chicken Noodle soup, saltines and ginger ale- but I already had ginger ale- gatorade was probably a better choice." She did what she could to get me some! Along with her air mattress and a fan so I could sleep more comfortably until the bus arrived and could take me back to the hotel and the air conditioning.

Sleep. That was all I could do.

We got to the hotel and I went to my bed right beside the window air conditioner. I slept another couple of hours before I was finally able to sit up and eat the Ramen noodles and the crackers Jen brought me. I also drank the gatorade she got and then I finished off the water I had in my bottle. Water had to be filtered there. I didn't dare walk outside to go find some or get more Gatorade. What if I was too weak? What if I fainted? I took a quick, cold shower to ensure I was cooling off. Then I decided to lay down and sleep more- after I emailed home to have some human connection. I didn't feel well and I think I was alone for about 5 hours.... I needed some human companionship- and reassurance. Tired, I fell back asleep. Around 9:30 my daughters came in with more Gatorade and filled my water bottle with more water. This was some sort of heat exhaustion, I was suffering from. I had every hope that when I woke up in the morning I would feel much better. Have I ever slept so much in my life? I don't think so. But, again, I went to bed and didn't wake up until the alarm sounded the next day!

My comfort foods from Jen-